What Goes Around Comes Around
by StrawberryPajamas
Summary: Jim and Pam move to New York to start their life together, which means Ryan gets Jim's old desk. All is well, until he finds himself falling in love with the receptionist. Ryan/Erin next-generation JAM
1. Old Beginnings

What Goes Around Comes Around

_You want to know the deal of life? Well, here it is: Life just goes around in circles. _

_It's just an unending, nonstop loop of laughter and sadness and anguish and heartbreak and laughter all over again. It cannot be stopped: it is just the way it goes, no matter what. As Earth circles the Sun and as the moon orbits the Earth and as Earth spins on its axis, so will life go with it. If you're happy one day, you know, unfortunately, you will be sad another. If you are heartbroken one day, you can be sure that someday you will heal and feel good again._

_The thing is that we have no way of knowing when things will come around again. _

_When will we feel good again? How long will it be till we feel sad again? _

_It is impossible to know for sure._

_All we can do is close our eyes and wait; wait for whatever it is that we're waiting for_

_And we can be sure it will come. _

* * *

_**May 2010**_

Ryan Howard really hated the dark.

Something about it just seemed so uninviting, so unsettling. Like it unknowingly held something insurmountable that could just leap out at you and attack you when you knew none the better. True, when he was a teenager, he had loved watching slasher movies with his friends. And, of course, the people in the movies would walk around in the dark and open creaky doors with slow suspense. The thing was that he never got why anyone would do something like that. If someone couldn't see anything, why would they open a door that could possibly hold their demise? It made no sense to him, and therefore he just liked to avoid the dark, preferring instead to always be around some source of light.

The darkness of the silent conference room surrounded him, enveloped him. It was a sunny Friday, but the thick shades covering the windows blocked every hint of wonderful light that could have crept in and saved Ryan from going claustrophobic. He looked down and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the dizziness he suddenly felt was from that. He shifted, his legs beginning to cramp at such an awkward position he was forced to sit in.

Damn Michael and his stupid ideas.

Ryan had been hidden like this for a good hour or so: crouched under the conference room table with Meredith to his left, Andy to his right, and Angela uncomfortably squashed behind them all, inches from being mashed into the wall. She had made a sound of annoyance every time one of them shifted into a slightly more comfortable position, for they would always poke her sharply in the knee or shoulder in doing so. They never apologized for it, and Ryan had a sneaking suspicion it was because they all felt she deserved her comeuppance.

Another wave of slight panic overtook Ryan again, and he squeezed his closed eyes tighter. He prayed that whatever Michael was planning would hurry up so he could get away from this feeling of claustrophobia and hot breath surrounding him and stand up, stretch, and maybe crack open the blinds a little.

Suddenly, noises could be heard from outside. Muffled voices and Michael's laughter were distinguishable, and Ryan's heart leaped. All of a sudden, the door burst open, and beautiful, saving light flooded in, causing relief to sweep through Ryan's veins, warming him. Suddenly remembering, he scrambled out from beneath the confines of the table and hopped up straight, his back cricking and sudden pain shooting up from his back to his neck.

The light switch unexpectedly flipped on, causing everyone in the room to groan in pain as the light seared at their eyelids. Ryan blinked hazily as he stumbled forward, looking for a wall to support him. He found one, leaning against it and trying to focus on what had just happened.

He saw Michael look at them all disappointedly. "Come on guys! You were supposed to yell 'Surprise!'. What is your problem?" he grumbled, annoyed, but stood aside and motioned for some people unseen by Ryan to walk in. "C'mon, you three. Shake it off: we can still have a totally awesome party, even without the element of surprise."

Ryan's eyes finally adjusted to the light, and he looked around. People were still crawling out of their hiding places, looks of pain mixed with annoyance etched on their faces. They obviously didn't care that they all ruined the surprise part of the surprise party. Ryan looked away and around the entire room, catching a glance at how it looked, which wasn't bad. The PPC had gone all out and bought what seemed to be every balloon the local party store could carry. They littered across the entire room, floating up and almost completely dominating the ceiling. Trays of food and drink and boxes of, now, stone-cold pizza sat on the surface of the conference table Ryan had been hiding under for the last hour. A giant banner reading "WE'LL MISS YOU, HALPERT FAMILY!" stuck on the wall opposite him and completed the room.

"Michael, you really didn't have to." Ryan saw Jim standing in the doorway, looking at everything around him with an amused grin on his face. His arm was around his wife, who was cradling a small bundle of canary yellow blankets in her arms. Her mouth was alight with a smile.

"Oh my God, guys, it looks so great in here!" Pam sounded in awe. She looked lovingly down at the blankets and cooed, "See Lizzy? This is mommy and daddy's office decorated just for you."

A happy gurgling sound issued from the small bundle, and all the women of the office broke into a chorus of adoring "awwww"'s. Ryan internally rolled his eyes.

"C'mon," Michael clapped excitedly and pushed the small family further into the room, "Time to get you one final taste of Pizza a la Scranton before you go all 'New York' and eat all of their garbage-food." He bounded in front of everyone so he would be first in line for the pizza, snatching a napkin and licking his lips.

Pam and Jim, however, ignored the food and stood in the middle of the room, happily answering any questions about the city or Lizzy their coworkers happened to ask. In a matter of minutes, Pam's laughter, Jim's jokes, Kevin's baritone chuckle, Erin's squeals, and random voices overlapping each other cut the once-silent room and filled the air with a sense of comfort and familiarity.

Ryan merely stood to the side, sipping at some lukewarm fruit punch he was pretty sure Meredith had spiked hours before. He wasn't really in the celebrating mood anyway.

What was to celebrate anyway? Two fellow coworkers whom they had all known for years leaving forever was hardly something to be happy about. Not that he really cared about Pam and Jim (maybe just Pam, because of their little Michael Scott Paper rendezvous last year). In fact, he didn't think he would be sad at any one of his coworker's departures. The only time he would even come close to being sad at a goodbye party would be for Kelly, which had already taken place last February. She had said she wanted to move closer to her parents in New Jersey because of her brother's recent death. For the last weeks of her time at Dunder-Mifflin, she had seemed almost human: acting rather formal toward Ryan and others around the office, wearing less neon-y colored clothes, and mostly just keeping to herself. Ryan actually liked this new Kelly, despite the reason why she was like this, and found himself feeling attracted to her all over again. He had even gone up to her the day before she was meant to leave and told her he didn't want her to go. Asked what he could do to made her stay.

New Kelly just gave him a sad look and pat on the arm before saying, "Life goes on, Ryan. You of all people should know that."

_Life goes on_, Ryan thought sourly as he took a bigger gulp of punch than he intended. _Life doesn't go on. It just doesn't._

His life certainly hadn't.

A sudden burst of laughter interrupted him from his thoughts, and he looked at where it was coming from. Andy was standing in the corner with his girlfriend, saying something and gesturing wildly in the air, slopping a good amount of his glass of punch on the ground. Erin didn't seem to notice, seeing as she was doubled over, laughing hysterically at whatever her boyfriend had just said. She obviously had gotten over the fact her best friend had left, which made Ryan angry for some reason. He watched in distaste as her hair swayed around her face and her hand came up to cover her mouth. Lines that formed everything seemed to go fuzzy as his eyes unfocused. He couldn't tear his eyes from her as she finally stood up straight and her laughter died down somewhat. She covered her heart with a delicate hand, her cheeks flushed from laughing so much and a smile still adorning her pixie face...

"Ryan?"

Ryan blinked away the hazy feeling that overtook him and looked up. Pam had walked over to him, grinning. Her baby was now placed against her shoulder, with her patting it's back in a soothing pattern. She looked good for a woman who had just given birth three months ago: wearing comfortable-looking gray sweats and a baby pink t-shirt. Her hair was up in a loose bun, and she wore no makeup other than a little foundation. She was looking at him with a politely confused expression.

"What were you looking at?" She bounced the baby a little, swaying ever so slightly from side to side. Pam's eyes were fixed on Ryan's though, and he looked away, slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh... nothing," Ryan distracted himself by tossing his still rather full cup of punch into a nearby trash can, not before chancing a glance toward Erin again. Pam, unfortunately, noticed this, and followed his gaze toward her bubbly replacement. She turned back to Ryan with a sly grin playing on her lips.

"Nothing?" she asked with a small smile and eyebrow quirk.

Ryan just shrugged and shook his head. What was she so suspicious about anyway?

She tilted her head, "Ohhh-kay," she dragged out the word, her lips pursing, and Ryan felt annoyed. Why did she always have to do that?

"What are you doing over here?" he asked, not really sure what to do with his hands now that his cup of vodka-and-punch was gone. "Shouldn't you be hanging around your husband?"

Both Pam and him simultaneously turned to look at Jim, who was entertaining a large group of coworkers with his jokes. Phyllis, Toby, and Meredith obviously found one to be uproariously funny, all of them doubled over in laughter. Jim glanced over in their direction and gave Pam a small wink, causing her to grin.

"He trusts me," Pam turned back to Ryan, shrugging and still smiling slightly.

Lizzy suddenly gave a small hiccup, then began crying softly. Ryan internally cringed, knowing the child's wailing would just get louder and more piercing. But Pam bounced her a little more while whispering comforting "shhhs"'s, her lips brushing against the baby's earlobe. The little girl eventually quieted down, and after a minute, she was completely silent. Pam turned to Ryan and grinned proudly, and Ryan smiled back in spite of himself.

"You're pretty good at that," he complimented, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Pam looked absolutely flattered.

"Yeah?" she asked happily, looking down at her daughter. She hunched her shoulders slightly, burying her nose in the crook of her collarbone and the baby's head. She planted a soft kiss on the side of Lizzy's cheek, smiling warmly. Ryan could have sworn she smelled the girl's hair before she pulled away and looked back up at Ryan.

"So you're enjoying motherhood?" Ryan asked, knowing the question was ridiculous. Everything about the woman practically screamed her undying love of it.

"Absolutely," Pam sighed in utter contentment. "It's been such a wonderful experience. It's even worth the sleepless nights and extra pregnancy weight, especially for this little angel." she suddenly cooed, looking fondly down at her daughter.

Ryan looked down at Pam's flat stomach, a crease in his brow. Ever since Lizzy's birth, she seemed to have gone right back to her normal, skinny self.

_Extra pregnancy weight, my ass._

Ryan was just wondering if Pam was the luckiest new mom in the world when a large shadow walked up to him, breaking him from his thoughts.

"Not eyeballing my wife, are we Ryan?"

Ryan blinked nervously when he looked up. Jim had walked up to join their conversation, wrapping a long arm around his family and smiling at the much shorter man in front of him. Ryan breathed a small sigh of relief when he realized he was kidding.

"No, sir," Ryan said, standing up straight and sounding like a teenage boy meeting a girl's father for the first time.

"Don't worry man, I'm not gonna hit you or anything," he laughed, giving his wife's shoulder a little squeeze, and Pam rested her head against his shoulder contentedly. The picture was a little too "happy little family" for Ryan's taste, and he quickly veered to another topic.

"So, New York, huh?" He sighed through his nose while he spoke, reminiscent.

"Yep, The Big Apple." Pam's voice had a nervous tinge amid her excitement, which Ryan knew all to well. It was the same tepidity that he felt only two years prior, right before he had officially moved from the paper slums of Pennsylvania to one of the greatest cities in America. It was of expectations just waiting to happen.

"Congrats. You'll still be working in paper?" Ryan directed at Jim. He seriously hoped he wasn't, because Ryan was sure he would burst out laughing right in his face if it was true.

"Nah, I'll be selling computer routers. Much better pay in that field." Jim grinned, "But Pam's new job is why we're making the big move anyway." Jim looked at his wife lovingly, and Pam went red, looking down.

This actually captured Ryan's interest. "Oh, Pam, I didn't know you were getting back into art."

Pam's eyes lit with laughter, and she grinned, shaking her head, "No, um... Jim was referring to my new_est_ job--" she held her bundle of blankets up, "--as a mommy."

Ryan merely nodded in understanding, not pushing the subject. He saw the way her smile faltered when he wrongly assumed she was working for her dearest passion.

Ryan didn't get much more time to talk to the couple before Michael pulled them away, asking Pam if she ever needed a babysitter. Ryan took this opportunity to wander over to Meredith, wondering if she had anymore punch left.

***

Over the next few hours, the party seemed to drag by, and towards the end of it, Michael seemed like the only one not totally exhausted by the festivities. He was parading around the conference room telling bad jokes and snapping people's cheap party favor hats. Everyone else merely sat to the side or went back to their desks, sick of it all. Lizzy was bawling her eyes out, obviously tired by the party too, and was being comforted by Pam to no extent.

Ryan had wandered away from the commotion, being flagged down by a coworker or two on the way, and eventually found himself standing alone by the clump of desk closest to reception. Now that Pam and Jim were leaving Scranton, two of the desks were going to be vacant. The desk across from Dwight would be taken away back to storage, and Ryan would be taking Jim's old one.

Ryan trailed a finger across the desk, now removed of all personal mementos other than a monitor and keyboard. He remembered back all those years ago when Jim had left for Stamford due to a broken heart and he, Ryan, had sat there. It was only temporary, but Ryan remembered how unnatural it was to sit at that particular desk-- like he was a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle box. It seemed unreal that anyone who didn't walk up to talk to the receptionist every day and played elaborate pranks on Dwight would sit there; like it was some sort of rule this office ran by.

But now Jim was leaving, Ryan speculated this as he leaned against the desk thoughtfully. It was as if with his departure the spell would be broken. And now, people other than Jim and his wife could sit down at it.

Ryan grinned to himself, feeling as if he was a child lost in his own wonderment. Sometimes, the things he thought up of...

"Okay, everybody!! The happy couple-plus-one are gonna go now. Come say goodbye before they leave us all forever."

Ryan turned and saw Jim, Pam, and the baby in it's carrier almost halfway toward the door, and they froze when they realized Michael had noticed them trying to sneak out. Pam and Jim gave each other tiny nervous smiles before turning tentatively toward the rest of their ex-coworkers. Luckily, no one made a big deal out of the pronouncement; giving them either a small wave or a smile or a lighthearted "Keep in touch." The couple smiled fully at everyone else, accepting their reserved attitudes as a perfectly decent goodbye present.

"Goodbye everyone," Jim called out to everyone happily. He turned toward Pam, giving her a smile before placing a hand on her back and leading her out the door.

Ryan saw Jim turn around and gaze at the empty reception desk with a light smile still playing on his lips before he turned and disappeared out the door after his wife.

The second the door clicked shut, everyone turned silently around and walked toward their respective desks. An unsettled sadness hung in the air, making even Michael quiet for a minute. Ryan looked down at his new desk, and knew it was time.

Ryan pulled the chair out and sat down, feeling like he had just walked back in time three years. But in a good way, because this time everything felt utterly natural.

It was finally his turn.

"Welcome to desk clump #1, Ryan!" A bubbly voice to his right said, and Ryan looked up, expecting to see some reincarnation of Kelly to appear.

But it was Erin. She was standing next to his desk, a bright smile on her face and her hands clasped together in front of her. She was looking down at him with nervous but excited apprehension, which warmed Ryan's heart for some reason.

"Actually, this isn't my first time sitting here." he turned the chair slightly to face her, smiling slightly. Erin's eyes seemed to pop open as her smile grew wider.

"Oh, so you know the ropes, then?" she asked, giggling. Ryan could feel his eyes almost sliding out of focus again, but he blinked a few times, fighting it.

"Yep. So don't worry: I won't need your help _too_ much." Ryan joked, liking this new friendship that was developing between him and the receptionist. It was nice not having to act like a total bad-ass anymore just to impress Kelly.

"Well, just in case... I sit right over there." Erin seemed to have an unlimited source of bubbly-ness as she pointed back to her desk, still grinning happily.

"I'll make a note of it," he agreed, and Erin giggled an 'okay' before turning back to sit down. Ryan's smile didn't leave his face until he got back up to retrieve the last of his things from the annex.

***

And like so many years ago, when Jim was sitting at that desk that faced reception, now Ryan sat in the same place. Where Jim was pining after the girl he loved, where he got his heart broken on numerous occasions, and where he was trying to forget about all the pain he had endured for so long, so Ryan now will be working at the same spot. And a mere six feet from that desk is another desk, where a woman who had denied for so long her love for a certain salesman, now sat a new, red-haired receptionist. Where Pam had loved and lost a fiancé, where she had built her courage over months of self-discovery, and had announced to everyone how she was really feeling, a girl by the name of Erin Hannon had taken her place.

Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly had their happily-ever-after, and now it was time to move on.

* * *

**So what do you think? Should I continue? Reviews are much appreciated from those who are willing to ship Ryan/Erin right along with me. **


	2. Diversity Day

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates everybody. Life has been ridiculous lately, but I'm gonna try to update as fast as possible. This story is going to be working parallel to the show, like it's going to be very similar to several of the episodes of the office. Not every, mind you, just the JAM-my ones that I can work with.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter. And, of course, happy holidays:)**

* * *

**Chapter 2-- Diversity Day**

It was funny, in a way. Maybe not so funny as it was odd. And annoying. Ever since Jim and Pam's departure last month, all Michael seemed to do was mark certain moments in time. Soon after they left, Michael had walked up to reception and solemnly placed a fist on the counter, holding back tears. "Here once sat the finest receptionist Dunder-Mifflin ever had." he said, with Erin sitting there, looking distinctly hurt. When a week had past, everything Michael seemed to do was without Jim and Pam: "This is my first cup of coffee without Jim and Pam." "This is my first nap without Jim and Pam.", "This is my first meeting without Jim.", "It seems quite quiet without Jim yelling at me."

As much as Ryan hated to admit it, the office did seem a lot duller without Jim and Pam there. Ever since he had started working at Dunder-Mifflin, the two of them had basically become part of the normal routine: Jim's jokes and Pam's laughter from reception when Ryan walked in in the morning. Him watching from the sidelines as Jim messed with Dwight, with Pam as his faithful sidekick. Or even when Michael was having a particularly affectionate day with his favorite temp, Pam was always there to save him and Jim would always distract Michael with this or that. Just little things that Ryan barely even noticed before were suddenly gone, and Ryan couldn't help but miss them just a little...

But now, things seemed to be getting better. Ryan reasoned this as he worked away at his new desk. Michael had been saying 'My first...' less and less lately, so Ryan dared to hope it was all finally dying down.

Ryan felt the hot breath of cheetos and coffee on the back of his neck, and felt the pinch of dread lock in his chest.

"You know, Ryan: today is our first month without Jim and--"

"-- I know Michael." Ryan interrupted, annoyed. He didn't know why Michael always had to remind him about it. As if he really cared.

"Sorry man. Didn't know you were so uptight today..." Ryan once again dared to hope, and thought that Michael walked back to his office. But a second later he felt chalky hands slide onto his shoulders near his neck and a sudden pressure on his upper back.

Ryan immediately jumped up, more than a little disgusted, "Michael, _please_ don't give me a back massage while I'm working." That was just too creepy, even for Michael.

Michael just grinned, "C'mon man, chill out! I know life has been a little more stressful without Jim and Pam here..." Ryan internally cringed, "... but you gotta loosen up."

"--Which is why," Michael continued, now addressing the entire office. "I have thrown together a little shin-dig for the entire office to enjoy later today in the conference room. Be there!" He smiled widely at the room full of apathetic and annoyed expressions.

Ryan groaned slightly before setting himself back in his chair. What could Michael have planned for them all now? His eyes suddenly slid over to reception and he saw Erin look up and catch his eye. He just gave a small smile and a roll of his eye, and Erin bit back a grin. Something small but there passed between them before a large shadow walked in front of Erin and Ryan's line of vision.

"Erin! I'm glad you're here. There's a few tasks I need you to do for me..."

Ryan turned back to his computer, his mind suddenly fully devoted to the spreadsheet he had to complete by the end of the day.

***

As the day wore on, Ryan found it getting harder and harder to concentrate. I mean, of course there were the usual distractions in the form of everyday Michael shenanigans, but today it seemed to be especially difficult. At least a dozen times an hour Ryan found himself glancing up at reception and watching Erin practically drowning under all the ridiculous jobs Michael was making her do.

Ryan could almost feel himself sympathizing with Jim because of how easy it was to just turn his head and look over at the large, round desk just a couple feet away. It was almost like an instinct; like his neck magnetically rotated so he would look at that particular spot every once and awhile. It was weird, and oddly comforting, to see Erin there as a kind of presence that was within reach. One he could empathize with; understand even...

"Are you done staring at me yet?"

Ryan blinked, embarrassed, and noticed Erin looking at him with an odd expression. Ryan shifted slightly in his seat and cleared his throat.

"It was just that I was, um... listening, and you, um, forgot to call for the dark meat sandwich..."

Erin blinked, confused, and feverishly paged through all the scraps of paper and post-it notes Michael had written all of his instructions on. "There's nothing here about a dark meat sandwich."

"I heard you calling the Strassburg market a few minutes ago. Whenever Michael asks you to call them, he is specifically requesting for a dark meat sandwich.

Erin quickly pulled out a crumpled post-it from the bottom of her pile of things to do and skimmed her eyes over it. "This just says '_Call Strassburg about food'. _I didn't really know how to interpret that, so I just called them and asked what Michael usually bought from them..."

Ryan chuckled, "And they hung up on you, didn't they?"

Erin's eyes widened, "They did! And I just thought they had a bad connection or something."

Ryan laughed loudly, and Erin looked sheepish. He watched her look through all the pieces of paper with dread etched on her face, and Ryan considered her thoughtfully.

"You need any help?"

Erin's head snapped up and looked at Ryan with her wide eyes, "Oh no, that's all right. You probably have a lot of work to do."

Ryan shook his head and stood up, grinning. "Oh, it's no big deal. I finished my work for the day like two hours ago. It's totally fine."

Ryan stepped toward her desk and leaned over it, his elbows resting on the counter. He reached over it and pulled half the stack of instructions toward himself, his hand brushing against her thin wrist. Erin looked apprehensive for a second, but finally grinned softly up at his face.

"Thanks... Ryan." she blushed and looked down when she said his name, as if it were inappropriate to say out loud.

Ryan looked down at her face, then the list of things he took from Erin "No problem," he murmured, focusing pm the words and laughed. "He seriously asked you to do all these things?!" he started paging through them, reading them off:

"_Pick up party favors."_

"_Call the Scranton Times to cover the story." _

"_Run to the store and pick up more orange juice, milk, and Splenda for Dreamsicle Juice"_

"_Learn to play the guitar." _"Why would he even ask that??" Ryan mused, snickering. Erin busted out laughing, pressing her fingertips to her mouth while trying to quell her amusement. "Does he want musical accompaniment to go along with his mysterious meeting?"

"I don't know." Erin laughed, her face flushed with happiness. "I guess he thought his words would somehow sound more dramatic with acoustics..."

Ryan chuckled and was about to read off another slip of paper when he felt someone clasp his shoulder tightly. Ryan turned to look who it was, and saw Andy standing next to him and grasping his shoulder tight.

"Hey guys. Could hear you two havin' fun all the way from my desk..." He smiled a strained, toothy smile at Ryan and then at Erin. Andy was obviously jealous that he, Ryan, was hanging out with his girlfriend, in which Ryan felt a sort of sick pleasure about. "Whaaaat have you been up to?"

"Oh, we were just talking," Erin amended, "Ryan is helping me out with some stuff Michael is making me do."

"I can do it." Andy quickly said, followed by taking a swipe at the instructions that were held in Ryan's hand. Ryan was to quick for him though, and held them away from reach.

"Don't worry, I got it." Ryan said smoothly. His eyes drifted to Erin's and they locked. He held her gaze until she blushed crimson, and Andy turned beet-red. Ryan winked and turned back around to his desk, in awe of his own audacity and grinning self-confidently at the fact he could still mess with people's emotions.

He listened in some satisfaction as Andy sputtered something angrily and stalked out of the main office, probably to go punch a wall or something. Ryan grinned slightly up at Erin, but her face showed nothing but concern at her boyfriend's insecurity. She completely ignored Ryan as she stood up and followed Andy to wherever he went, her face still flushed pink.

Ryan shook his head slightly and looked back down at his work. He felt something churn in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it. There were more important things to worry about other than trying to get the receptionist in on his little joke.

***

The day grew quieter, but Michael seemed to be determined to keep the noise level up. Whenever things seemed too peaceful, Michael would burst out something about his big 'surprise' for everyone. "You're gonna love it!" he would giggle excitedly, standing closely behind a particularly uncomfortable Ryan. "Just you wait..."

If he wasn't babbling excitedly about the surprise, he was piling Erin (and unknowingly, Ryan) with extra and irrelevant tasks. Whenever Michael walked up to her desk to hand her another fistful of post-its, Ryan would give her a look of such exasperation she would have to try hard to hide the sympathy showing in her eyes so Michael wouldn't notice. The last time Michael had given Erin a new task, and walked away, Ryan stood up and made his way to Erin, leaning over the counter and sneering at the newest slip of paper.

"What's his latest request?"

Erin tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before reading the paper, _"Buy a mini bottle of champagne"_

Erin looked up at her friend, who actually smiled slightly at this order, "Cool. I've been wanting to get out of this office all day." He made a move toward the coat rack.

Erin hopped up, "Woah, you're not going to leave me here with Michael breathing down my neck! I'm coming with." She pulled her coat and purse from behind her chair and boarded the phones, grinning.

Ryan looked thoughtful as he pulled his overcoat onto his shoulders, "That _would_ be cruel, seeing as Michael's breath is particularly foul today. So, yeah, I guess you could come along."

Erin's laughter could be heard all the way from the hallway, and her happiness emanated from the office she left behind with Ryan.

***

Ryan and her had fun at the supermarket. They couldn't find the mini champagnes right away, so they had to ask several store clerks, most not knowing exactly what they were talking about. Finally a sour-looking old man who looked like a decrepit santa claus pointed them in the direction of the regular champagnes and said that they could probably find some small bottles of it there. It took a good five minutes of searching before Erin spotted a batch of shrunken bottles of bubbly near the back. They bought three (they kept two for themselves, in honor of much they struggled into getting them) and headed back to the office.

They air seemed to become warmer as they walked outside, and they shed their coats once they got into Ryan's BMW. As they were driving back, Erin seemed to be feeling completely relaxed, for she slipped off her shoes and began fiddling with the radio. Once "Fireflies" by Owl City popped on one of the stations, Erin began singing happily along, tucking her knees up under her chin and opening the window slightly. Ryan couldn't help smiling the whole ride back.

***

The pair finally made it back to the office, laughing and joking the whole way. As they were heading toward the double glass doors, they noticed Meredith standing there alone and smoking a cigarette. When she noticed the two, she smirked disturbingly at them, taking a drag out of the stick.

"You guys go out for a quickie?"

Erin's smile slid off her face and mouth dropped open in horror, "Wha--?" she sputtered indignantly, but Ryan quickly spoke over her.

"What are you doing out here, Mer?" Ryan knew Meredith had a soft spot where people called her her nickname, and thankfully she answered his question.

"Didn't really wanna be up there." She rolled her eyes, and flicked the cigarette butt to the ground. "Total Diversity Day bust."

Ryan's eyebrows raised and Erin looked confused, "What?"

Meredith's eyes grew wide, "That's right, you guys weren't here! Well, Michael revealed to the office what his 'amazing surprise' was, and turns out it's just a mandatory Diversity training Corporate's making him do." Meredith rolled her eyes again, "As soon as Michael said what it was, Stanley just got up and left, and I soon followed. 'Cept Stanley went home; I'm just hanging out here for a bit." She reached into her purse and yanked out a tissue, blowing her nose obnoxiously loud into it. Ryan and Erin just glanced at each other.

"Well, I'm off," Meredith announced, snuffling and stuffing the tissue back into her handbag. "I'm gonna see what the warehouse guys are up to." She began shuffling around the corner of the building, but stopped before she was out of sight. She turned to face them.

"If you want to escape from Michael for a few minutes, the bathroom in the sub-basement is a very, erm... _cozy_ option." She gave them a creepy wink and smirk before turning and heading toward her destination of the south end of the building.

There was a very uncomfortable silence between Ryan and Erin for several agonizing seconds before Erin suddenly blurted out, "I am _so_ reporting her to Toby."

Ryan laughed as she stomped her small feet up the walkway to the doors. He jogged to keep up, grinning.

***

"Shh." Ryan held a finger to his lips and set a hand on the doorknob. They were standing outside in the hallway right off the office space, separated by a closed door. Erin nodded wordlessly and pressed her lips together tight. Ryan quietly turned the knob and opened the door slowly...

Nothing. The entire room was completely silent, which was a partial relief to Ryan. But the fact that he couldn't hear a thing was slightly unnerving. He crept apprehensively into the room, Erin right at his heels.

No one was at their desks and none of the phones were ringing. But all the lights were still on, which freaked Ryan out a little. It was like everyone had evaporated into thin air, leaving their desks and job titles behind. Ryan looked around, setting their bottles of champagne on the receptionist counter.

"This is really weird," Erin breathed from behind him, her breath tickling his neck and sending goosebumps down his back. "What's going on?"

BANG!

The sound of a gunshot or something rang out throughout the small office before Ryan could respond, causing him to jump and Erin to scream.

"What the...?"

Erin spun around in a vain attempt to get the hell out of there, but lost her balance and almost fell. Ryan grabbed her shoulders, keeping her from flying to the ground, and she steadied on her feet. Both simultaneously looked up at what had caused such an unholy racket, and saw Michael standing in front of the open conference room door, eyes wide. He grinned when he noticed who it was.

"Hey you guys! Sorry for opening the door so harshly. Probably scared you, didn't I?" He looked expectantly between the two, awaiting a response. Neither said anything as Ryan helped Erin up into a standing position, grumbling.

"Anywho... come on in!" Michael shook it off and stepped aside, allowing them access to inside the dark conference room. "We saved you guys a spot."

Ryan and Erin walked shakily toward Michael and peered inside the room, and both had to bite back a laugh. Everyone was lying on their backs, ankles crossed and hair spilling out around them while looking up at the dark ceiling. The table and chairs were shoved in a corner, forgotten.

A space about the size of two people were left vacant in the center of the room, in between Toby and Andy. Erin and Ryan stepped awkwardly over everyone as they made their way to the gap, purposefully treading on Angela's butter-blonde hair as they passed, causing her to hiss angrily at them.

"Welcome to the club," Toby mumbled to Ryan as he set himself down next to him. Ryan chuckled, stretching out on his back. Ryan let Erin sit next to Andy because, well, it was the considerate thing to do for a couple. Plus, Andy was looking daggers at Ryan for hanging out with his girl, and Ryan had already had his fun for the day, so he just decided not to push it.

Although Ryan was still lying to other the side of Erin, so he guessed that could stick it to Andy if anything.

***

Turned out Michael's Diversity Day training was just a slideshow of black people and unfunny anecdotes about his encounters with the bus boys and his favorite diner. The lights were all off, causing Ryan to feel the familiar fear to rise in him. But he focused on the light from Michael's borderline racist slideshow and felt some relief.

He didn't know if it was the dark of the room or if it was the fact he was lying down or if it was the drone of Michael's voice for hours as he told slightly variating fabrications of the Hispanic boy behind the counter at Taco Bell named Paco, but Ryan was beginning to feel drowsy. His eyelids would flutter closed, then open with a start whenever he heard Michael laugh at his own jokes. He kept yawning and drifting off into thought, like his habit was when he was in his own bed and trying to get to sleep. It was how his brain worked when he was drowsy: his mind would immediately wander to what was the last good memory he had of the day.

"_Are you done staring at me yet?" Ryan could hear the nervous edge to her voice, but there was no mistaking the way her eyes sparkled at the pure flattery of being noticed. Ryan just blinked and looked away, trying not to look desperate..._

"_Thanks... Ryan." Erin looked down, and Ryan couldn't help but notice the way her hair shimmered slightly under the fluorescent lights. His heart catched in_ _his chest for a second before he quickly distracted himself by looking back down at the slip of paper, mumbling a soft "No problem." to her..._

_Him and Erin were at the checkout at the supermarket, and Ryan paid the cashier for everything they bought, despite Erin's insistence that she wanted to pay for at least half of it. "Thanks. I owe you one." Erin whispered into his ear, so the cashier wouldn't overhear them. But Ryan was hardly listening, for the way her breath tickled his ear and how so, so perfect it felt to have her so close to him..._

Ryan opened his eyes, and blinked. Usually he never questioned whatever his mind wandered to when he was tired: he was usually loopy when he was drowsy and it usually made no sense. But these thoughts popped out at him as if he was supposed to think them. His day with Erin had been fun, and Ryan discovered that she was a basically cool person to hang out with, but he didn't think he could ever be, you know, _interested_ in her. I mean, the only person he had genuinely been interested within the last 5 years was Kelly. He hadn't really thought about putting himself back out there for someone else, but considering it for Erin would be a bad idea. She was already in a relationship anyway. Plus, she was a really nice girl, and he was well... a complete screw-up, to put it in kind terms. Also, he barely knew her. They had basically just started hanging out today, and even then...

Ryan was suddenly interrupted from his thoughts when he felt a warm pressure on his shoulder. He looked over and almost felt the breath get sucked right out of his lungs as the air caught in his throat. Erin had aparently fallen asleep and rolled over, her head resting on his shoulder. She shifted in a more comfortable position on his collarbone, sighing slightly. She breathed through her nose as she settled back into her peaceful slumber.

Ryan just watched her sleep with her cheek pressed against his shoulder as Michael kept talking in the background. Ryan, after what felt like forever, looked away, a smile playing on his lips and his eyes closing too, ready to be embraced by sleep once again...

***

When the meeting was finally over, Toby and him stayed back by Ryan's desk and chatted. Toby apologized for them having to endure such a torturous meeting by Michael.

"You've probably been having a terrible day, I suppose?"

Ryan just glanced over at reception and the girl sitting behind the desk, and smiled. "No... actually it wasn't such a bad day. It was actually pretty good."

* * *

**Please review! I know, this one was super-fluffy: I just want to know if you all approve. Thanks!**


	3. Booze Cruise

**A/N: Oh, how rude of me! I forgot to give my shoutouts. Please don't be angry, I am doing my best...**

**First off, a quick shoutout to pamelamorganhalpert. She's been totally amazing and did a great job beta-ing my first chapter of this story. Thanks a bunch!!**

**Secondly, a shoutout to thecricketsarecalling. She's been great with leaving awesome reviews for me and my stories, and has stuck with me throughout my Pam/Ryan obsession. Also for writing some of the greatest Pam/Ryan stories I've ever read:) Thank you!**

**Okay, I'll let you get on with your reading. Enjoy:)**

* * *

**Chapter 3-- Booze Cruise**

Time at Dunder-Mifflin seemed to just float by over the next few months, especially for a certain young salesman. Of course, time never exactly flew by at the little paper company, but it seemed as if the minute hand just decided to inch by slower and slower each day. Weeks and days and hours and minutes and seconds just ticked by slowly as Ryan sat and worked at his desk. His eyes would constantly flick toward the tiny clock in the corner of his computer screen, wondering idly if the numbers would ever change, which they usually didn't. His days lately consisted mostly of work, sitting, coffee breaks, more work, and endless hours of watching and waiting for nothing.

Funny, how time seemed to have no hold over him when Kelly was here, and he had something to be working toward. But now...

Now Kelly was gone. Now business school was over. Now he had nothing in his foreseeable future. What else was he to do? Time just stood still.

A familiar giggle could be heard from reception, causing Ryan to suddenly stop what he was doing and stare at his immobile fingers until the sound was gone; trying with all his power not to look up at her.

He had been training himself to do this ever since his small epiphany he had in Michael's meeting, about these feelings he realized he was developing for Erin. As he was driving back to his apartment that night, he vowed to himself he wouldn't let things get any more complicated than what they were already. It was just one fun day they happened to have together during work hours and it just made a normal unbearable day in Scranton just slightly more bearable. It was just games, that was all. And so Ryan decided to not let himself get sucked in and most likely get hurt because of it.

He had screwed up enough in his life already. He didn't have to go and make matters worse for himself.

He glanced at the clock in the corner of his computer screen for what seemed like the five hundredth time that day. It was 3:33 pm, exactly four minutes from when he looked last. Just wonderful.

The giggling started up again, and Ryan bit his lip, knowing Andy was up there and was the one making her crack up. He was glad she wasn't really upset anymore, but her constant laughter so close to his desk was kind of annoying for some reason made him a little angry.

The hardest part about all of this was how much Ryan knew he had been hurting Erin with this intended avoidance. The day after Michael's seminar, Erin had come in to work and waved to Ryan, and he ignored her completely. Ryan felt sick with himself when he saw in his periphery the way Erin's face sort of crumpled with disappointment when he didn't wave back, and he merely typed away at his computer as she walked around her desk and sat down.

She didn't wave again after that day, but she kept trying to make conversation with him anyway. He made sure he would only respond with small-talk, not seek her out, and not, under any circumstances, mention that trip to the was doing well so far, but he was rather shocked at how hard this all was turning out to be. He figured things would get easier and easier as time went by, but for some reason, that wasn't the case. He just seemed to be getting more and more miserable as time walked by.

Ryan just sighed through his nose and kept typing, carefully glancing over to the clock every so often. The numbers rarely changed.

***

Today was the day of the Dunder-Mifflin Formal Corporate Dinner that took place on a boat in Lake Hauling. It was a huge event: everyone within a one hundred mile Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company radius would be attending, and of course with the lake being just a few miles outside of Scranton, Michael and his workers were naturally going to be there.

"I can hardly wait!" Ryan overheard Erin squeal excitedly to Oscar the other day, who had asked her if she was looking forward to it. "My first real formal event at this company ever!"

Ryan couldn't wait either. Life in Scranton was monotonous as it was, even without him watching the clock like a hawk. Living for him had been incredibly dull for him in the last few months or so, and a break from all that might be just what he needed.

There was a shuffling sound to his right, and a shadow fell across his desk. He didn't need to look up to know who it was.

"Hey Ryan." Of course, it was Erin.

Ryan looked up, but immediately wished he didn't. Looking at her innocent face made him feel so guilty so suddenly he wished he could just drop the act and talk to her again.

But she didn't leave. She just stood there, order forms clutched in her hand. "Um..." she blinked, looking at the papers, "I, uh... these came for you." she finally eeked out, handing them to Ryan. He took them, feeling his heartbeat quicken.

The thing about Erin is that she was so sweet, it was ridiculously hard to try _not _being her friend. She was always so careful around people; trying not rub anyone the wrong way. When she first started here, everyone was obviously annoyed with her over-civility, and harassed her for it. But now it seemed as if the others came to accept that she was just a nice person, and she became one of the group. Every day, Ryan sat and watched as she chatted with Meredith about skin remedies, gave Angela helpful cat-sitting tips, or flirted with Andy. The real torture was that he saw all of this going on, and yet he couldn't even be a part of it.

"Thanks," he said as politely as he could muster. He set the papers down and turned back to his computer, getting back to work on whatever he was doing.

She still didn't walk away. "So... are you excited for tonight?" Ryan looked up at her and she was doing that thing where she's biting her lip hopefully and twisting her bracelet in her fingers and, God, she wasn't going to make this easy.

"Yeah... yeah it should be fun," Jeez, it sounded like they were describing a freakin' _date_. That most definitely was not the case. At least not yet.

No, not _ever_. Ryan corrected himself, mentally smacking himself in the head for considering such a thing.

"Yeah I'm looking forward to it," Erin nodded. Her smile faded slightly as there was another awkward pause, in which Ryan wanted more than anything to drop this polite act and just be her friend again. To have fun like they had what felt like a lifetime ago and leave these past few agonizing months in the dust.

"Well," Erin turned to leave, "I guess I'll see--"

"Erin." Ryan said her name without thinking. She turned around and looked at him with her wide curious eyes. _Doe eyes_, Ryan thought.

Ryan let a small, easy smile slide onto his face, as if he did it every day, when he hadn't really for weeks. "What do think Michael's planning for the dinner tonight?"

And just like that, they were back. Erin smiled a radiant smile at her friend and the walls Ryan spent months building came tumbling down as if they were made of water. All of a sudden, Ryan's reserved attitude didn't matter anymore as Erin sat on the edge of his desk and they chatted away as if they were the best of friends. She thought Michael would try to make an irrelevant speech and Ryan thought Michael would jump off the boat to show the dangers of suicide. They talked and came up with more crazy Michael ideas and talked some more and finally they noticed that everyone was leaving for the day. Erin was the first to say goodbye.

"Talk to you later tonight." Erin bubbled before waving and heading over to Andy's desk.

Had the time really passed that fast?

Ryan smiled, and blinked while watching her walk away. He looked down at the ground, yet staring at nothing in particular. He turned and got back to work, suddenly looking forward to the dinner more than ever.

**************

Ryan's friends always said that he was the life of the party, so naturally he was the guy sitting at the bar alone and playing idly with his drink.

The party was in full swing. Or at least, as full as a party in Scranton could get. The boat wasn't very large, but the people on there seemed to be having a good time. Ryan was suspicious that the boat's capacity had long ago been exceeded, but that was probably the least of everyone's problems. They were all too busy chatting happily, seeking out friends, and comparing outfits while balancing drinks that appeared expensive that really weren't in their hands.

Ryan took a swig of his Budweiser when he noticed Erin pass to the left of him, dragging her friend Jenny to come and meet her officemates. She was wearing a simple v-necked turquoise dress that stopped at the knee and her hair up in a loose bun. He had noticed she already had a few drinks, mostly wine coolers, and her face was flushed and happy and smiling. She had already come up to talk to him on the walkway up to the boat and a few times in between songs. But she was busy with her other friends right now, and Ryan just wanted to be alone for the time being.

"Girl problems?"

Ryan looked up and saw the bartender cleaning a glass and wearing a cheesy looking tuxedo vest while he looked at Ryan sympathetically. Ryan just rolled his eyes.

"All bartenders ask that."

The man chuckled, "True, but we only ask that because that's usually the case."

Ryan sighed and took another swig, "I can see you've been in this business for a _looong_ time..."

"Fifteen years bro," he smirked, arranging the glasses on display in a more appealing fashion. "But I don't need to be in the bartending business in order to tell you've been pining over that pretty redhead over there."

He nodded to his left and Ryan looked to see Andy kissing Erin on the cheek, her practically glowing with happiness. Ryan felt a lump grow in his throat as he turned back toward the bartender, blinking.

"What's your name?" He tried but probably failed at looking intimidating.

The man raised his eyebrows, "Bradley Carson. I do parties and corporate events--"

Ryan waved his hand through the air, interrupting him, "I'm not asking for your life story: just your name. Look Bradley," He raised his hand and pointed his pointer finger down, pressing his fingertip to the wood table. He knew he was tipsy for the way his words slurred when they came out of his mouth. "You don't _know_ me; you don't know what I've _been_ through, and you have _no idea_ about my "relationship" with 'Miss Redhead' over there." He pointed in the general direction where Erin was.

Bradley just nodded, "That's true. I don't know. All I'm saying is that you can tell me about it, and I could possibly offer my advice, if you want."

Ryan just looked at Bradley for a second before leaning forward and burying his face in his hands, sobering up. "This is fucked up." he mumbled, barely distinguishable. But Bradley heard him, and chuckled sadly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Ryan confirmed, sliding his hands up through his hair. He brought his hands down and set them in front of him, knowing his hair probably stuck up after he did that. He sighed.

"She has a boyfriend."

The bartender whistled sympathetically, shaking his head. "Oh man, that sucks..."

"Gee, thanks for that sound piece of advice."

Bradley chuckled, "Sorry dude. So is she your ex-girlfriend or something?"

"No: she was my ex-girlfriend's best friend." Ryan took another sip of his beer.

"Whoa. _Now _this is getting interesting." The guy leaned forward seriously. Ryan rolled his eyes again.

"It's not what you think. My ex-girlfriend left a long time ago, and Erin _was_ her best friend. And I barely acknowledged her existence until just a few months ago: after Kelly left."

Bradley was silent. Ryan kept going.

"We hung out during a work day once. We managed to get out of the office, go to the grocery store for a few hours..." he trailed off, looking down.

"Grocery store," Bradley repeated, shaking his head and smirking. "Really romantic."

Ryan glared at him, feeling suddenly angry. "That's the point! It wasn't _supposed_ to be romantic! It was just two friends hanging out while trying to avoid our insufferable boss. It wasn't supposed to be anything other than that!"

Ryan felt angry. Angry at himself, at Erin, at this situation. How could just a few hours of one day get him sucked in so easily? He did the right thing, trying to avoid her all these months. But what about now? What was he supposed to do now that they were talking, as more than just polite office acquaintances?

Bradley just looked at him in his usual sympathetic way. He set down the glass he was cleaning and leaned on the counter. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were in love."

Ryan reared back. "Whoa, no need to go out and use the L-word on me."

Bradley just looked at him, and Ryan's heartbeat quickened. "You're serious?"

A tipsy couple suddenly walked up to the bar and shouted out to Bradley to bring them two glasses of wine. Bradley straightened his vest and turned toward them.

"See you around, little man." he said to Ryan before walking over to his other customers.

"Wait!" Ryan called after him, but he ignored him. "--little man?" he mumbled to himself. What was the deal with that nickname?

But whatever. That guy gave him a lot to think about. Ryan turned back to the counter, wondering if Bradley's calculations of his feelings were true. Because if they were, then--

"Excuse me, could I have everyone's attention?"

Ryan turned toward the small stage where the amplified voice was coming from, and noticed Andy at the mic. He was looking nervous, and sweating profusely while breathing heavily. He gulped before speaking again.

"Could Erin Hannon please come up on stage with me?"

While everyone cheered as Erin made her way up to her boyfriend, Ryan felt numb.

No this couldn't be happening. Not now.

"Erin Kelly Hannon--" He took her hand in his. She visibly blushed, smiling.

_No._

"-- will you do me the honor--" he got down on one knee. Erin's mouth dropped open.

_Please no_

"-- of making me your husband?" Andy produced a ring, and the whole crowd gasped simultaneously.

Ryan couldn't move. He was afraid if he did he would smash into a million pieces like glass. He couldn't focus on anything other than Erin; nothing else mattered. All he could see was her; her opening her mouth and her lips forming that one dreaded word.

"_Yes"_

And suddenly, everything in Ryan's world shattered.

* * *

**We all have a friend like Bradley. Mine just happens to be named Bradley. This chapter is dedicated to him.**

**Please review!!**


	4. Casino Night

Disclaimer: I don't own the office or the characters portrayed in the show. I do however own a Sprinkles t-shirt and 5 seasons of the office on dvd:) But no Andy mug. That one just broke:(

**Chapter 4-- Casino Night**

Ryan knew it was probably tacky to sum up his life to a line from a book or movie, but the well-known opening sentence from A Tale of Two Cities fit his situation just too perfectly:

_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times._

He didn't necessarily think his life was like a parallel between England and France, but it certainly explained all the contradictory emotions he had been experiencing since the cruise all those months back. Life seemed so different since then, oddly...

It was times like these that, in a really weird and random way, that he missed his days with Kelly.

* * *

**One Week Ago...**

"_And the award for Best Hair in the Office goes to... Meredith Palmer!!!!"_

_The office cheered and clapped happily as the tipsy redhead weaved her way down to the stage set up to the front of the well-known Scranton bar, Poor Richards. A vodka-and-tonic was clutched in her hand and she grabbed the Dundie from Michael's podium, holding it up in the air victoriously as she 'whoooo!!!'d really loudly. The rest of the office cheered louder and Ryan wolf-whistled all the way from the bar._

"_All right, all riiiight Meredith!" Michael giggled excitedly. He was wearing his usual Dundie tuxedo and obviously was the emcee for the night. He was sweating profusely as the lights he had set up were shining directly down at him onstage. But his energy didn't seem to waver as he kept the show moving and, surprisingly, the people of the office entertained. _

"_Okay, okay let's keep the party going!" Michael shouted, and drunken cries of approval rang out through the bar. Michael pulled out another card from inside his coat and read what was written on it._

"_And the award for Most Outstanding Work goes to... Stanley Hudson!"_

_Ryan turned back the bar, listening to the hollers of his fellow coworkers as they watched a grinning Stanley walking up to accept his award. He didn't really need to watch what was going on; he had already gotten his award for the night. He clutched it tightly in his fist as he waited for the bartender to finish up with the people to the left of him._

"_Hello Mr. Clearest-Complexion Award," someone said to his right, which Ryan recognized immediately. He turned to look at her, and his heart skipped a beat or two as it always did. Erin was wearing her usual purple t-shirt and gray sway skirt and no make-up, but Ryan still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the room._

"_That's my name, don't wear it out." Ryan drawled, smiling. His mood had improved all of a sudden._

"_Oh, we'll see about that." Erin took Ryan's chin with her free hand and clutched it lightly, rotating it so he would face her. She pretended to scrutinize his face, checking for acne or some sort of blemish that could possibly get his award taken away. Ryan grinned when she tried with all her power to look serious but kept breaking out in giggles._

_She was so darn cute he couldn't even stand it._

"_Very nice. I guess you did deserve that award after all. Although the 'Best Smile Award' could always suffice." She smiled shyly as she casually brushed her thumb down his jawline, her hand falling back to her side. This caused Ryan's heartbeat to jump to astronomical speeds._

_Little things like that was what reminded him about why he loved her so much._

"_Why thank you, Miss Newbie Award." Ryan chuckled, trying to change the subject, and Erin smiled as she slid on the seat next to him._

"_Yeah, that basically proves that Michael has _no_ creativity whatsoever. It's the same one I got last year." She held up the Dundie and wiggled it in front of Ryan's face. Ryan shrugged._

"_Aw don't feel bad about it: I got the 'Hottest in the Office Award' for about three years straight before Michael started changing it." The bartender finally noticed him and Ryan waved for him to come over._

"_Hey, you two. What can I get ya'?" The bartender asked. He was overweight and bald and absolutely nothing like that Bradley dude from the cruise._

"_I'll have a white soda." Erin immediately answered, and both men looked at her weirdly. She deflated slightly, biting her lip._

"_I'm the designated driver," She answered, shrugging meekly. The bartender turned toward Ryan, who just sighed, smiling slightly._

"_I'll have the same." He noticed that the bartender rolled his eyes as he left to get their drinks, but it was totally worth it to notice the pure flattery shining from Erin's eyes._

_Doe eyes._

"_Oh, Ryan, you didn't have to do that!" she smiled anyway, and Ryan smiled back up at her._

"_Eh, it's okay. Some of us have to stay sober, right?" The bartender handed them their drinks, and Ryan held his up to Erin._

"_To Proactiv." Ryan toasted. _

_Erin laughed, lifting her soda up and clinking her glass with his. Her cheeks were tinged red as if she had been drinking, which Ryan knew for a fact she hadn't been._

"_To Proactiv."_

* * *

Ryan had heard all about those love stories where the guy falls in love with the girl and the girl is either in a relationship or just uninterested. Hell, look at Jim and Pam. They were the perfect example, if he went back a few years. They seemed like the ideal couple _now_, but back then they were as dysfunctional as he was with relationships. Yes, Ryan knew that Jim had been pining over Pam for years before they even addressed the problem, and Jim had gotten his heart broken over and over again, unable to do anything about it.

Ryan never would have guessed he himself would become the sad, pathetic loser that Jim was all those years back.

But then again, he _was_ sitting in his old desk.

* * *

"_Erin!!! There's my sweetie pie...!"_

_Andy drunkenly slung his arm around Erin's shoulders, who just sat stiffly in place, her face expressing slight annoyance. Ryan noticed this, and that gave him just way too much satisfaction._

"_Cheers! To a fine lady..." Andy held up his Mike's Hard Lemonade and mashed his face to the Erin's cheek, kissing her sloppily. Ryan held up his now-empty glass of soda, smiling and toasting a disgusted-looking Erin. The office party was over now and only a few of them remained, most of them hardcore drunk. _

"_Ew Andy, cut it out." Erin pushed her fiancee of six months away from her, giving him a stern look. Ryan knew that Erin really did love Andy (he knew that of every minute of every day) for Andy would surprise her with a flower every Tuesday, or would sneak kisses from him when her and Ryan were talking at her desk. _

_But the way she had been acting toward him lately was catching Ryan's interest. She had been talking to him less and accepting his flowers with less enthusiam and (it was probably just wishful thinking at this point) she was spending more and more time hanging out at Ryan's desk._

_But just because she was smiling a little less and acting like less of her normal enthusiastic self didn't mean she was going to break things off with her fiancee. He knew he just wanted these things too much._

_He wanted everything too much._

"_Hey, Erin honey-- I just wanted to let you know that *hic* Oscar is, um, taking the party over to his pad and a bunch of us were going there. So I'm going to be home late." He gave a harsh laugh, almost like a bark. "Like reeeeeallly late." he slurred, smiling lazily._

_Erin looked highly disappointed, "But if you all go to Oscar's then I'm not going to have anyone to drive home..."_

"_What's that?!" Andy called out to someone beyond Erin, who winced slightly at his volume. Darryl was waving him over and shouting something along the lines of "hurry it up!"_

"_Ima comin'!" Andy shouted back, and turned toward Erin again, grinning. "Seeya at home, babe." He slapped her roughly on the back and slid out the door, toward Darryl and the rest of the people waiting for him._

_Erin stared at the door Andy closed behind him, her lips pursed tensely and her breath coming in short bursts through her nose. Ryan watched her apprehensively befre she finally looked away, down at her lap, and opened her mouth._

"_So typical." she muttered before turning and grabbing her purse and keys off the counter, ready to leave for the night._

"_Don't take it personally, he's just drunk..." Ryan tried to cajole her._

"_Don't you think I know that?!" Erin whipped her head around to glare harshly at Ryan, who recoiled slightly. Seeing this, her demeanor sofened slightly._

"_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that this isn't the first time he's pulled this." She sighed, looking down and shaking her head._

"_That's all right, I understand." Ryan tried being sympathetic. But it was hard doing so, seeing as he wanted so desperately to be in Andy's position. _

_Erin just gave him a sad smile, and said the words that Ryan felt like he had been waiting to hear from her for months now:_

"_Sometimes I just wonder if it's all worth it."_

_There it was._

_The urge to tell her everything came over him; empowered him. The three words he had been throwing around in his head for so long needed to come out, to become real. He needed to let her know everything, just once. Just so it all of it wouldn't mean nothing. Of all the regrets he had in the past year, that one would be the most unbearable._

"_See you tomorrow Ryan." Erin smiled, giving his forearm a squeeze. "You're a good friend."_

_She turned to leave, and every fiber of Ryan's being screamed after her, begging her to come back. He knew he didn't have much time, seeing as she was both walking out that door and getting married to another man. Images of Erin wearing a pure white wedding dress and a bouquet of flowers clutched in her hand filled Ryan's mind. Her walking down the aisle, grinning happily at all the people watching her. And at the altar, standing a man that wasn't him. He was the one she promised to never forsake, to love through thick and thin, good and bad, through sickness and health..._

_The fact that that could very actually happen powered Ryan to leap up from his seat and follow her out the door and to the parking lot._

_***_

"_Erin!" Ryan shouted into the cold, night air. It was around one in the morning and he knew his exhausted mind was stressed, but he would never forgive himself if she had already left._

"_Ryan?" somone said to his left. Ryan turned to look._

_Erin was standing outside her car, alone in the empty parking lot. She was about to unlock her car, but was looking at Ryan with a confused expression. She didn't know why he was acting the way he was._

_Ryan looked at her, and gulped, feeling a lump in his throat. His heart thumped in his ears as he turned to face her completely, and stepped closer to her._

_Just say it..._

"_It's not worth it." he said quietly, feeling the words being carried by the cold wind around him._

_Erin just looked at him, still confused. "What's not worth it?"_

_Ryan took another step closer to her, feeling the words forming on his lips. "You can't marry Andy. It's not worth it."_

_Erin blinked, and shook her head. "Ryan, I was just venting. I'm not going to call off the wedding just because--"_

"_Erin," Ryan interrupted her, and Erin quieted. Ryan saw his breath cloud in the freezing night air as he spoke. "I'm in love with you."_

_Erin was speechless. Her face lost all color as her mouth opened yet formed no words. Ryan just looked at her, his heart out on his sleeve, and Erin just looked back at him._

"_Ryan..."_

_Ryan finally looked away, down at his shoes. "I'm sorry... for telling you this way. But it's true." _

_Erin just shook her head slightly, over and over again, as if she secretly hoped this was all a dream and she was going to wake up any minute now. She finally stopped and took a deep shaky breath, taking a step closer to him._

"_Ryan, I can't."_

_He looked back up at her, and her eyes showed nothing but pure remorse. But that didn't make him feel any less heartbroken than he already was. _

_Ryan looked away again, to his left this time and toward the dark skyline. "Yeah..." He tried to hide the way his throat seemed to lock up with emotion._

_Erin took another step closer to him, taking a light hold of his wrist and rubbing it with her thumb. "You're my best friend Ryan. You need to understand that..." she looked desperately into his averted eyes._

_Ryan pulled his wrist out of her grasp, unable to handle any physical contact from her at this point. "You're my best friend too. But at one point over the past year, our friendship changed..."_

_Erin stayed silent, not wanting to make anything worse than what she had. _

_Ryan looked directly at her, his eyes unknowingly brimming with tears. "I want to be more than that, Erin. I want to be more than what we are. I want to be the one to give you flowers every Tuesday and I want to be the one who you'll come to for everything..."_

_A tear slid down his cheek and several had already escaped Erin's eyes. But he couldn't stop, even if he wanted to._

"_... I want you to be the one to love me endlessly and I want to be the one who'll love you too. But it's hard to want all these things and stand on the side and watch you about to get married to another man."_

_Erin was full on crying now; a soft weeping that broke Ryan's heart. He closed his eyes, letting another tear or two slip down his face._

"_But... I can't-- Andy." Erin whispered out, her sad, wet eyes looking into Ryan's for answers. Ryan looked away, not wanting to face the inevitability of her answer. He knew she wasn't going to pick him._

_Why would she anyway? _

"_... He's a great guy." Ryan took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "And you two will be very happy together." He turned to leave._

"_Ryan I'm sorry!" Erin yelled after his retreating back, surprising them both. Ryan turned around to see the heartbroken tears clinging to her face, her eyes desperately trying to make him understand how truly sorry she was. _

_But Ryan already knew. And, unfortunately, it didn't help._

"_Don't be." he said, finally feeling the cold night air that was hitting his skin. His tears felt like droplets of ice over his face as the last one slid down and off his cheek. "It's my own fault. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up." _

_With that, he turned and left. Behind him, leaving a weeping receptionist and a piece of his heart forever._

* * *

Ryan stood up from his desk and stretched, having been confined to his desk for far too long. He made his way over to the kitchen, hoping there was some coffee left in the pot.

Turns out there was no coffee, but no worries. He guessed that tea would have to suffice. He sighed as he opened the cupboard to grab the tin, but stopped. On it was a neatly written note with handwriting that looked very familiar. It was taped primly in place as Ryan took it down to read what it said:

**Hey everyone! Hope you enjoy the tea, those of you in the office other than me who drinks tea. Which is no one. Why do I even bother?:) Love, Pam**

Ryan was caught off guard with this little piece of the past, and found himself suddenly missing Pam. He realized with a pang that it had been almost a year since he had seen her and Jim, or even talked to them. He didn't bother emailing them or calling them on the phone over the past months either. He thought that they had better things to do than talk to him, or listen to his problems.

It had crossed his mind several times over the months that he should call Jim or someone and ask for his advice about what he should do about his situation. He knew Jim had been in the same predicament a long time ago; he could possibly offer some advice. But, of course, Ryan was too ashamed, too proud, too... whatever. He just couldn't bring himself to ask.

But not like it mattered anymore, anyway...

He heard a sound to his left, and turned to see what it was. His heart jumped slightly in his chest when he saw who had come in, but that didn't upset him. He knew what had to be done.

"Hey Erin."

* * *

_Ryan couldn't feel anything. He couldn't decipher any of his surroundings as he walked away from the bar's parking lot and toward his car. He couldn't remember exactly how he had gotten into the driver's seat and put the key into the ignition and started driving, but apparently he did. He drove around the town, to all of his regular haunts, and right past the office. _

_He thought about nothing, and he didn't want to anyway. All he could see was Erin's heartbroken, crying face, breaking down in the middle of the parking lot of the local Scranton bar. Under his apoplectic state he felt the burn of guilt fill inside him. _

_He felt so terrible about all of this, he didn't know what to do._

_He drove around for minutes, or maybe it was hours, but he ended up at the place he had started. Poor Richards loomed into sight as he pulled in the parking lot. All the cars were gone, except for a few. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't notice his surroundings immediately._

_He finally blinked and looked up, and what he saw made his heart stand still in his chest. He saw Erin still standing here, leaning against the side wall of the bar and just looking down, not saying a word._

_As if under a spell, Ryan opened his car door, and stepped out._

_She didn't look up when he slammed the car door shut behind him, and she still didn't look up when he walked up toward her. It wasn't until he was mere feet away from her and he stopped when she looked at him._

_She was a mess: her hair was matted and messy, her eyes were red and sad, and her clothes hung loosely off her body as if she had been wearing them for weeks. _

_God help him, Ryan still thought she was a beautiful sight for sore eyes._

_She looked into his eyes, and Ryan looked deep into hers, not saying a word. Everything they were saying, that needed to be said, were spoken through their eyes._

_Without knowing it, Ryan closed the distance between the two of them in one stride. He was close to her; inches, centimeters. And she didn't push him away, which Ryan registered through his brain filled with numb shock as a good thing. _

_They looked at each other for a second more before they kissed._

_She was everything. She was the air he breathed, his nourishment, the reason he didn't just give up on life. He kissed her with everything he had, wanting her, needing her to know that. _

_He slid his tongue through her open mouth, which she welcomed invitingly. She clutched onto his jacket desperately, as if she were afraid of what would happen if she let go. Ryan wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, closer still. _

_For the first time in his life, he actually felt whole._

_But she pulled away, and Ryan felt himself draining. The clutch on his jacket lessened, and she looked down and away from him._

_That's when everything in his heart leaked out._

* * *

"Erin, I wanted to talk to you." Ryan turned toward the redhead who had broken his heart no less that seven days ago. Erin looked at him, a slight fear amid the sadness clouding her eyes.

Ryan took a deep breath, "As of yesterday, I accepted a job offer to the Utica branch."

Erin just looked at him, refusing to have the emotion or heartbreak show on her face.

* * *

"_Ryan, I've been thinking." Erin whispered to him. Ryan looked down and away from her. He couldn't handle this again._

"_I'm going to marry Andy." she whispered, quieter still. And Ryan could feel the tears coming again._

* * *

"When are you leaving?" Erin breathed, her voice catching slightly.

"Tomorrow." Ryan saw her head snap up at the fact that he was leaving so soon. Ryan gave her a small half-smile.

"Unless there's a reason for me to wait?" he continued. It couldn't hurt to try. Or at least, hurt anymore than what he had inflicted upon himself.

Erin understandably was silent, and Ryan nodded, resolute.

"I thought so."

* * *

"_I'm sorry." Erin's voice cracked with emotion and leftover tears._

_But no one heard her, for Ryan had already turned and walked away._

* * *

"I'm sorry." Ryan told her sincerely. He walked past her, out the door and toward his desk. And Erin let him, sending half of her heart out with him.

The half of her who knew that she was making a big mistake.

* * *

**A/N: So please review. I had some trouble with this chapter, so some feedback would be excellent. Making up the Dundie awards was really fun though:)**


	5. The Merger Part 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry, I haven't been updating lately:( I haven't even had time to watch the show, so obviously I haven't had any time to write. But, thankfully, this ridiculously busy week has come to an end and I can finally just relax with a Word Document on my computer and a cup of tea in my hand:) Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5-- The Merger Part 1**

* * *

_The sun just felt too bright today. She flinched uncomfortably as the light hit her like a ton of bricks as she walked outside. She was always so sensitive about these things. She humphed through the back of her throat as she shielded her eyes with her hand, making her way across her driveway. Her heels clacked on the asphalt as she pulled the keys out of her purse and opened her car door, climbing in._

"_That's better," she whispered to herself, smiling. She put the key into the ignition and started the car, hearing her Prius hum to life. She flipped on the radio, and on it was playing a Regina Spektor song:_

_Didn't even know  
That love was bigger  
Didn't even know  
Didn't even know that love was so, so  
Hey hey hey hey  
_

_She closed her eyes to the song's bubbly melody, her lips forming a bigger smile than before. _

_She knew life for her had been moving up. It felt great._

* * *

"Ugh!" Erin suddenly burst out to her mirror's reflection, and fell silent. She stared at herself harshly for a second before her face sort of crumpled and she brought her pinky to her mouth, nibbling on the nail nervously. She paced barefoot around her room, running her fingers through her disheveled hair for the three-hundredth time that hour. Taking a deep breath, she stepped back in front of her reflection, ready to try it over again.

It was the early hours in the morning, around four or four-thirty. She couldn't sleep; she almost never could lately. She felt exhausted, and yet wide awake as she wandered her quiet, empty apartment in the early hours of the morning. It had become routine for her to sleep this badly: she was annoyed and stressed about it at first, but soon it had become like a normal part of her day, like driving to work. She had actually grown to like the few hours she had before she was forced to sit in that awful receptionist chair all day, answering phones and constantly getting picked on by Michael.

She had been doing a lot of thinking during her hours awake, for it was hard trying to find something to do in the unholy hours of the morning. If she wasn't watching the sunrise, she was pacing her room in front of her mirror, practicing what she was going to say to _him _when the time came.

Erin's heart raced when she thought of _him. _It was absurd, almost, how his name had practically become taboo in her mind since he left 3 months ago. Out loud, she could get away with sounding casual when saying Ryan's name, but in her head it was sacred.

His name was her most treasured possession, which was one of the saddest things she'd ever heard. It was sad because that meant the last tangible thing she had from him was his name. And she was willing to guard it with her life.

Erin didn't bother practicing the speech again. She merely collapsed backwards on her bed, wishing now more than ever that sleep would come.

***

Sleep didn't come. She didn't really expect it to. And yet she still tossed and turned under her comforter, her shorts and overlarge t-shirt she used as pajamas getting tangled in the sheets. She squeezed her eyes closed tight, willing the drowsiness to overcome her. But of course, the technique didn't work. Finally, after what felt like hours, Erin opened her eyes and glanced out the window.

It was still dark out. She glanced at her clock-- 5:45. The hours she felt she had endured had only been 45 minutes.

Erin's throat locked. Her missed sleep was finally getting the better of her and the frustration finally bubbled over, causing her to bow her head, screw up her eyes, and sob into her pillow.

No tears came at first; just sorrowful, terrible hiccups that still allowed her to express her emotion. But soon her eyes became wet, and her dry sobs soon became a full-blown tantrum.

She was sick. So sick of all this crap. Sick of this terrible excuse for a life she had been living. Her life had been perfect up until just a few months ago. She had a house she shared with her fiancee, who had loved her endlessly. She had had a big bed with purple sheets and a large bay window that filtered in sunshine every morning when she woke up at seven thirty. She had Andy who fixed her a cup of coffee every morning, each day it being a little different because he was too proud to ask how she liked her coffee. Erin always thought that was cute.

She had a wonderful job and wonderful friends and an amazing life laid out for her...

But, goddammit, Ryan had to walk in and ruin it all for her.

Erin shifted her face in her pillows and buried her head deeper in the sea of down, groaning. She wasn't really mad at him. How could she be? He was her best friend, whom she loved.

Yes, _loved_.

She loved him. Erin really did love Ryan.

To think of it-- it was terrible and wonderful at the same time.

Erin sniffled as she calmed down a little. She let another tear or two fall as she pulled her face away from her pillow, seeing the large wet imprint her cheeks had made on the fabric. She pulled the rest of her body up off the tiny bed, feeling as if her bones were being weighed down by something like wet sand. She finally got to her feet, wobbling slightly and wiping her hands across her cheeks. She made her way slowly toward her full-length mirror, sniffling slightly.

She was a wreck. Her face was wet and her eyes were red and swollen and sad. Her hair was matted and messy, her clothes were rumpled and loose. Even the way she was standing: arms by her sides, shoulders slouched, and head tilted helplessly, was enough to make her hate herself.

_Look at me. I'm a wreck_

Erin tugged at a messy lock of hair that fell in her front of her eyes, trying unsuccessfully to fix her horrible appearance.

_I'm a wreck, but Ryan had still loved me._

Erin rubbed a hand down her damp face, drying it and not caring what germs and bacteria she was probably wiping on her cheeks. Acne seemed like the least of her problems at the moment.

_He loved me._

She was looking at herself thoughtfully, a hand placed on her hip. Maybe she should change into her work clothes. Just to be sure she won't look this terrible all day. Erin glanced at the clock, seeing that it was nearing 6:30. Yeah now would be a good time.

_Does he still love me?_

But just one more thing before she got ready for the day. Erin reached into her purse by her vanity and began rifling through it desperately. She kept looking before she finally stopped rifling, pulling out a small white square with a smile on her face.

Walking over to her mirror, she unfolded the little square. It was a picture taken from about 7 months ago, at the Dunder-Mifflin Halloween party. Ryan wasn't wearing any sort of costume, but Erin was a sunflower. She had on a leafy green skirt and forest green tights with a buttery yellow top with painted yellow petals framing her face. Black speckles apple-ing her cheeks completed the flower look, which Ryan had complimented her about. Erin remembered:

"Such a sweet costume. Suits you perfectly." He smiled that cute, Ryan-ish smile at her.

_How did I not realize then?_

The picture showed both her and Ryan's smiling faces from that day, both leaning against Ryan's desk and heads tilted toward each other slightly like grade school sweethearts. Erin loved it, for obvious reasons.

Erin took a deep breath as she pinned the well-worn picture to the side of her mirror. She brought her hands back to her sides, taking another deep breath.

_God, I miss him so much._

"Here I go." she whispered, staring at the picture. She began:

"Ryan I wanted to say something to you. Look, I get it. I get why you felt obligated to run away and I understand why you didn't want to be around me while I was going to marry Andy. But the truth is that, while you were away, things just weren't the same. Everything felt so off, as if the ground had shifted somehow. Things weren't the same, and _I_ wasn't the same. I became quiet and depressed and I began to question life--"

"--But that's when I realized: my life wasn't the same without you here. I realized I needed you! I called off my wedding. I couldn't go through with it. Not with realizing that-- that I-- um... Uh..."

Erin felt the tears spring in her eyes again, but forced herself to say the words out loud:

"I'm in love with you, Ryan Howard."

She let one tear escape her eye before sighing and turning around toward her closet. It was time to get ready for the day.

* * *

_She couldn't have prepared herself for what was going to happen that day. She had gone into work, smiling and such, without a care in the world. She had ridden the elevator up to the office and walked in, throwing a happy greeting toward the receptionist._

"_Hey Rolando," She grinned at him, and he smiled fully back at her._

"_Good morning, Marianne."_

_She had walked toward her desk, sat down, and unloaded her things: paperwork, files of clients, insurance bills. She was so absorbed in her work that she hardly noticed the shadow approaching her desk. But she smiled all the same when she looked up._

"_Hey," he grinned sweetly at her, and Marianne felt her breath hitch. He looked good today: wearing a plaid button-up Henley and gray jeans with high tops. His thick, black hair was getting longer every day, and Marianne knew she should cut it soon. No matter how cute she thought it looked. _

"_Hey," she breathed back, smiling at him. She turned back to her work when he sat on the edge of her desk._

"_--So I was thinking what we should do tonight..." she began, addressing her papers. She knew he was listening for the way his weight shifted when she spoke. "--we could could go out to eat at DeMarco's and take a walk after if the weather is still good." She looked up at him, and lit up slightly when he smiled._

"_Definitely," Ryan said, brushing a long stray curl away from his forehead. The corner of his lip curled up, revealing several cute white teeth, causing Marianne's heart to race slightly._

"_Awesome," she said, grinning. Feeling bold, she bit her lip and leaned forward, kissing his lips lightly and lingering._

_Ryan pulled away playfully, holding a finger to her lips. "Whoa, sweetheart. Save it for after the workday."_

_Marianne's cheeks warmed sweetly as Ryan smiled at her, pulling away and brushing his fingers down her forearm. He got up and turned around, walking back to his desk. All the way to the other side of the office._

"_So, seven o'clock?" Marianne called after him. The smile refused to leave her face._

"_Seven." Ryan confirmed, smiling over his shoulder at her._

_Marianne bit her lip again, smiling and turning back to her work. _

_Her day was going wonderful at the moment. She knew that nothing could ruin it. Absolutely nothing._

_She didn't know how wrong she was._

* * *

**A/N: This is divided into two parts because its sort of longer and I wanted to get this published soon. Don't worry, I'll try not to keep you all in suspense for too long!!**

**The song is _The Calculation _by Regina Spektor for anyone who's curious.**

**Please review!**


	6. The Merger Part 2

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to BJ Novak, for he is such a wonderful inspiration to so many of my stories, and is also the reason I eat string cheese the weird way:)**

* * *

**Chapter 6-- The Merger Part 2**

Ryan believed that it was Woody Allen who had first said the quote: "It is better to be the leaver than the leavee."

Ryan knew that not everyone would agree with Woody on that one, but he did have a point. Being dumped seriously sucked. You would be feeling happy for most of the day then the girl would just walk up to you and say "we're done" and all of a sudden the world crashes around you. It would be a terrible shock for a few days then it would take several weeks or even months after to heal completely while the person who dumped you would already be over it. Yes, it was definitely harder to be left than to do the leaving. That's why when Karen had walked out to the rest of the office with the devastated look on her face, Ryan had that terrible, deja-vu feeling of getting dumped all over again:

_Guys. I'm so sorry, but... the Utica branch is being shut down._

Well, the shock from that one statement wasn't as bad as it could have been. Ryan could have been one of those people who had worked at the Dunder-Mifflin Utica branch for over fifteen years and had a family to support. _He_ didn't have any of that, but Max who worked in HR did, and so did Bertha in accounting. And basically everyone else in the small office space had some sort of emotional tie to the building and the workers. Ryan was just the new guy who had yet to make any clients.

The office people had gathered around Karen, pressing against her on all sides. They were saying many things at once, shouting and begging for her to do something. One woman even was sobbing.

Ryan just stood to the side, away from the fray and staring at nothing in particular. He was upset that he didn't have a job anymore, but overall was pretty okay with it. It would be fine, really. He and Marianne could find work in the same office again and he could continue with the new life he had constructed for himself since--

--Well, since _it_ happened.

Ryan felt something clench in his heart, but decided to ignore it. He distracted himself by looking over at Marianne, who was in the front of the mob of angry workers and looking mutinous. Ryan thought she looked pretty today, with a cute green top and a black cardigan, with crisp black dress pants and heels. Her mane of long, black hair cascaded over her shoulders as her bright brown eyes glared angrily at her boss.

She wasn't exactly pleasant when she was angry, but Ryan honestly liked Marianne. So many things about her were nice: like how she loved Italian food more than anything in the world, how her little brother Bryce was her best friend, or how she was amazingly good at public speaking.

All of these reasons were good to find in a woman, but Ryan knew deep down that outgoing, fiery, gorgeous Marianne was just a distraction from one certain, simple, redhead receptionist in Scranton.

"Everybody! Everybody, just please calm down!" Karen shouted over everyone finally, and they all quieted.

She continued, "We still have to work out the logistics, okay? Nothing's set in stone. I'll let you guys know when I find out more, all right?" The people weren't happy exactly, but they had stopped yelling and walked back to their desks, grumbling and whispering amongst themselves.

"Ryan, Steven, Marianne, and Mark!" Karen called out over everyone, and four heads turned toward her. "My office?" she spun back around and headed into the indicated room.

Steven and Mark walked in first, both old and balding men who were just as upset at everything as everyone else. They grumbled amongst themselves as Ryan and Marianne walked in behind them.

All of them sat side by side in a row of chairs Karen had set up directly in front of her desk. She was standing up, looking out her window in thought. Ryan noticed her tired and worn face reflected in the glass, and knew she was incredibly stressed by everything that had been going on.

"Hey guys. Thanks for seeing me..." She rubbed her forehead with a weary hand, turning toward them.

Steven, Mark, and Marianne immediately began to start talking all at once, but Karen quickly cut in.

"We will get to that." She said firmly, and they quieted. "But I have something I need to tell you that I couldn't say in front of the others..."

She sighed as she sat down, and the four workers just looked at each other nervously.

Karen rested her elbows on her desk and leaned forward, looking down. "I'm so sorry about all of this, you guys. I honestly tried everything in my power to prevent something like this from happening but... we just can't compete with Scranton's sales."

Ryan's ears perked up at the sound of his old branch. Karen went on.

"Mark, Steven..." She addressed the two salespeople, and they merely glanced at each other. "You two are our best salesmen. And Scranton has been short of employees in that area since several of their salespeople left within the last year..." She glanced over in Ryan's direction, and he gulped. She looked back over to the other men.

"... You two will be transferred to the Scranton Dunder-Mifflin branch by next week Thursday. I will have to check things over with Michael but I'm sure it will be fine--" Karen didn't get to finish her sentence, for Steven and Mark had leapt up from their seats, giving cries of joy at the fact they weren't out of work. They even embraced happily, grinning.

"We still have our jobs!! Oh thank God!" Steven separated himself from his co-worker and rubbed a hand over his bald head, grinning. "Oh, Ellie's gonna be so happy! " He moved around the desk to hug Karen thank-you. She hugged him back, unable to hold back a small smile.

"Thank you Karen, thank you so much!" Mark maneuvered around the desk and wrapped his arms around Karen's small body when Steven stepped back.

"Wait," Marianne held up her hand, frowning up at the happy scene going on around her. "What about me and Ryan?" She glanced over at him, and Ryan looked back at her, his heart thumping.

Karen only addressed Marianne. "You, on the other hand, are our best Supplier Relations rep, and turns out that Scranton also needs one since their previous representative resigned about a month ago..."

Ryan's mouth dropped open. "Wait-- Meredith resigned?!" He could hardly believe it.

Karen nodded at him sadly, but Marianne didn't really seem to care. For she had leapt up happily, clapping her hands together and grinning like crazy. "So I still have a job!" she crowed, turning and throwing her arms around a smiling Mark. All three workers celebrated unashamedly in front of their boss and Ryan, and he couldn't help but chuckle slightly at their enthusiasm.

Marianne was the first to break away, turning to Karen. "Wait, what about Ryan?" she turned to look at her supposed boyfriend. Ryan just looked down at his hands.

Karen gave a small cough. "Um... about Ryan." She glanced at him, then addressed the three workers.

"Could you guys give us a minute?"

Marianne and the two men quickly nodded and turned to leave, whispering happily amongst themselves. Marianne gave Ryan a small wave and a smile before closing the door behind them.

Ryan immediately turned to Karen, "What's going on? Do I still have a job?" he asked quickly.

Karen sighed. "Yes, Ryan. You do."

Ryan let out a relieved breath. "Oh, thank God."

Karen still looked troubled however. "It's not that simple. No offense Ryan, but you're not exactly our best salesman. And the way you defrauded the company several years ago is still on your permanent record, preventing you from getting a position better than, at very most, the head of sales--"

Ryan's smile faded. He interrupted, "Wait. Where is this going? You said I still have a job, right?"

"You do," Karen assured him. "I'm just letting you know, although you wouldn't be my first choice, your connections with the other branch is vital for this company to withstand in this economy..."

"Connections?" Ryan asked, confused. "I don't understand."

"You are the only one who has worked with both the Utica branch and the Scranton branch."

Ryan's stomach seemed to have dropped several hundred notches. He hoped he hadn't heard correctly. "Wait, I'm being transferred..." he hesitated, "...to Scranton?"

Karen just looked at him weirdly. "Yes. Of course."

Ryan just stared at her.

You know how in some movies, whenever the protagonist heard something so incredibly shocking and life-changing, other people's voices seemed to kind of fade into the background with a strange, echoing lilt? And the only thing they could hear was a loud sort of heartbeat in their ears? That's exactly what happened to Ryan at that moment when Karen confirmed that he was going back to the same branch where he had basically confirmed his doom as an unlovable, undeserving loser.

"I didn't want anyone else knowing, seeing that they may not think this is entirely fair..." Karen's voice still sounded like a drug-induced haze, and Ryan looked away, blinking. "But I believe it is for the best. Your workday will start the same day as the other's..."

"--I'm sorry." Ryan quickly interrupted, and Karen stopped mid-sentence, confused. Ryan snapped back to reality in an instant, unwilling to be forced to go back to that... that place again. He took a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry, Karen, but I can't take that job."

Karen obviously wasn't expecting him to protest. She blinked, her mouth opening slightly for a second before she spoke. "I understand you just left Scranton Ryan, but you've been dealing with Michael and all the craziness that has been going on there for years. I don't exactly relish telling you this, but honestly I think you can help the new transfers transition into their... well, _different _work environment--"

"But, you said it yourself! I'm not qualified enough. I'm like the worst salesman _here_! I don't deserve to be transferred!" Ryan exclaimed desperately, leaping up from his seat. He wasn't going to let Karen force him to go back to Scranton. Back to a life of Michael and monotonous clock-watching and doe-eyed receptionists.

Karen was starting to get a little angry. "Ryan, the only way those workers are going to fit into that place is if they're prepared for what they are going to face! And we can't do that unless _you_ are there to at least get them ready for whatever Michael plans on doing to them."

Karen now stood up, facing Ryan head-on. "I, personally, know exactly how much work and employee talent are wasted at that branch, seeing that I had worked there for more than half a year. If you recall." She added coldly. Ryan could feel some of his anger ebbing into humiliation. He licked his lips.

"I just.. please--" he stuttered lamely. He could feel his breath coming out in erratic bursts, with sweat pooling on his upper lip. He couldn't believe he was reduced to begging her.

"I can't." He implored her quietly, desperately. He looked into her eyes, hoping for some sort of compassion. He realized that those two words reminded him painfully of what drove him to leave in the first place."Please, I can't go back there. I just can't--" His knees suddenly felt weak, and he fell back into his chair, looking away.

Karen's eyes held compassion, but only for a second. "I'm sorry Ryan, but what's done is done. I don't know what personal issues you have with the place, but the most I can offer is that I hope you get past them..."

He hoped so too.

She gave him a small sympathetic smile, something his stoic and professional boss rarely did. She even moved around her desk to give Ryan a comforting pat on the shoulder.

"Hey, look at the bright side: you and Marianne don't have to split up now. You'd be making her happy, right?" Karen gave him a more encouraging smile, and Ryan couldn't help but give a half-hearted grin back.

"Right."

* * *

"Ryan?"

Marianne smiled when she saw him emerge from their former boss's office, but frowned when he moved past her and through the break room door without a glance her direction. Marianne trailed after him, worried, but Ryan kept on walking.

"Ryan!"

Ryan swung the men's bathroom door shut behind him, and Marianne stopped short, looking distinctly worried and hurt.

Ryan didn't care. Well, he did care, but just didn't feel like dealing with her right now. He walked over to one of the stalls, locking himself in. Sitting on the toilet seat, he leaned forward, running his hands through his dark hair.

He honestly didn't know what he was going to do.

Reaching a shaky hand into his pocket, Ryan pulled out his cell phone. Staring at it for a second, he flipped it open and hit speed dial number two, bringing it up to his ear.

He heard that comforting sound of beeping, indicating that the phone was ringing on the other end. Then the familiar click of someone picking up, soothing Ryan's stressed-out mind.

"Halpert residence." a male voice said.

"Hey Jim," Ryan mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. The familiar sound of a screaming child was in the background.

"Hey Ryan," Jim said kindly. "Hold on." Ryan heard Jim move away from the phone and shout to somewhere in the house, 'Pam! It's Ryan!'. Ryan smiled warmly when he heard footsteps and Pam pick up the phone.

"Hi Ryan," he could almost hear Pam smiling through her words, and Ryan felt instantly at ease. Talking to Pam always made him feel better.

"Hey Pam. Long time, no talk." Ryan joked, leaning back against the cool porcelain. He ran a hand across his forehead, feeling calmer.

"Oh, you mean since Sunday?" Pam laughed, and Ryan grinned. "I swear, talking to you over the phone takes up more of my time than Lizzy does." Ryan heard a crash somewhere in the background and child's laughter and Jim's stern voice coming from afar. Pam went on, ignoring the ruckus.

So what's going on? You usually don't call me in the middle of a workday." She suddenly sounded worried. Ryan sighed, deciding to just come out with it.

"I just found out that I'm... going back to Scranton." he mumbled. The other end went silent.

"Oh, Ryan." Pam finally breathed, sounding concerned. Ryan gulped, looking down at the tile floor.

"Yeah." his voice caught in his throat.

"You have to? I mean, you can't find a job somewhere else?" Pam asked desperately.

Ryan explained to her what Karen had reasoned to him, and Pam got more indignant by the second.

"That bitch!" she exclaimed, and Ryan gave a short burst of laughter. "She's nice, but I swear, she is so clueless about when it comes to guys who are heartbroken."

Ryan chuckled. "I don't exactly mention my problems with Erin to my co-workers. I find it to be... what's the word? Oh yes: _inappropriate_."

"Oh, so I don't count as a co-worker?" Pam giggled.

"Nah, you're more of a comfort blanket." Ryan grinned.

"Yeah, and also I don't even work at the same company anymore."

"Well, that..."

Both friends laughed, and then they faded to silence. Ryan licked his lips and looked up to the ceiling, looking for the courage to say something.

"So you're really going?" Pam suddenly asked, and Ryan thought.

He immediately thought about his life back at Scranton, and the new life he had built for himself here in Utica. The people were nice and the environment was friendly and Marianne was, admittedly, the perfect girl for him. All of these things just added up to be a comfortable little bubble he had made for himself in his own little world. He may have liked to think he was happy, and sometimes he was. But he knew, deep down, it was all based a lie.

He sighed and looked down.

"Yeah, I think so."

She was sympathetic towards him.

Pam and him talked for another twenty minutes or so before she had to say goodbye, and Ryan promised to call her soon before closing his phone with a snap, resounding in the empty bathroom.

Ryan decided to take his time with getting up and out of his safe haven. And when he finally did, he did so while clutching his phone tightly in his hand, and his head held up high.

* * *

It was merger day today. The office was looking completely spotless, everyone dressed their best work attire, and Michael was fed some warm milk and chicken pot pie, making him sleepy and calm. Erin was wearing her favorite forest green summer dress and purple cardigan with matching headband as she watched the door while chewing on her bottom lip.

She had never been so nervous before in her entire life.

Two men had already arrived today, Steven and Mark, Erin believed their names were. They were friendly and apparently were bringing over tons of clients. Both were chatting pleasantly with Oscar and Stanley in the corner now as Erin still alternated between staring at the door, and staring at her watch.

It was 9:32. He was thirty-two minutes late. Where was he?

Suddenly, the door opened. And Erin was positive her heart was going to burst, it was beating so hard. She looked up.

There he was, looking different. He had gotten a haircut: it was short and barely grazed the middle of his forehead, while leaving his ears mostly exposed. He was wearing a blue button-up shirt with slacks and nice shoes. His sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, and his suit jacket tucked under his arm. He looked about a million years older than the Henley-wearing, Chuck-sporting, sarcastic best friend she knew all those months ago.

But he was still Ryan. And Erin had still missed him.

He was looking straight at her.

She felt her lips involuntarily pull up into a smile; the biggest she had smiled since last May.

"Hi," she whispered.

Ryan's face seemed to soften slightly with relief when he saw her smile. He smiled that sweet smile at her that she had missed so much.

"Hi," he said quietly.

Erin pressed her lips together, trying to quell her happiness. Life for her suddenly seemed to be looking up, because now, her best friend was back. And maybe, just maybe, she could tell him--

She was interrupted from her thoughts by a tall, dark-haired woman walking in through the door and standing next to Ryan. She slipped her hand into his before looking up at Erin and smiling lightly.

Ryan looked up at the woman, his face passive. "Erin... this is Marianne."

Marianne waved.

Ryan looked at Erin.

Erin's smile disappeared.

Hearts broke.


	7. The Negotiation

**A/N: For anyone who is confused about the timeline, last chapter took place around September of 2011. This chapter jumps ahead to February 2012. I'm sorry if its confusing:( the times here jump over in huge chunks. If anyone has any other questions about the time in which certain chapters take place, don't hesitate to ask.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the office or NBC. Shocking, I know:)**

* * *

**Chapter 7-- The Negotiation**

_Life seemed so dark, so empty, and so utterly pointless. What was she even doing here? In fact, where was she? Erin tried looking around, but everything was pitch black. She wanted to move around, but everything she did felt like a strenuous chore, whether it was moving her legs, or even blinking. She was paralyzed; trapped inside her body. She tried shouting for help, but she couldn't get her vocal chords to work. She could breathe okay, at least for now._

_Suddenly, a light flipped on. And she found herself in the office, alone. She was standing in front of reception, looking out to the emptiness around her. Everything was quiet, and she felt a peace fall over her as she skimmed her eyes over the familiar space. _

"_Quite something, isn't it?"_

_Erin suddenly noticed Ryan leaning against the supply shelf across from her. He was wearing a relaxed smirk on his face as his eyes traveled around the small office space pleasantly. Erin was glad to see him, yet was silent._

"_Of course, it's not like Dunder-Mifflin is an amusement park..." Ryan went on, pushing himself off the shelf and walking closer to her slowly, step by step. "But this place is pretty amazing, wouldn't you say?" He was looking right at her._

_Erin blinked. "Um... yeah." she agreed quietly. She was confused as to why Ryan was acting this way, and talking this way about their boring old paper company._

"_Where is everybody?" Erin continued, looking around._

_Ryan stopped several feet from her, smiling softly. "Don't you know?"_

_Erin's mouth opened slightly as she looked at her friend. His smile made her skin crawl; his lips curled up at one corner while remaining closed, his blue eyes holding a creepy glint. She could hardly recognize him._

_A terror filled inside Erin; one she never thought Ryan would ever give to her. "Ryan..." she whispered, taking a step back_

_He blinked eerily slowly. "This place is quite fantastic, don't you think?" he asked matter-of-factly._

_Erin started breathing harder, walking backwards another step. "Ryan, this isn't you!" she shouted. She wanted the old Ryan back-- _her _Ryan back. What was going on?_

_Suddenly, Marianne appeared, walking out from behind Ryan. An air of terrible beauty surrounded her tall frame as she snaked around to Ryan's side, smiling disturbingly up at Erin._

"_This place is amazing." Marianne's almond-shaped eyes held the same creepy glint as she looked back at Ryan, who smiled seductively back. "Wouldn't you say?"_

"_Quite amazing." Ryan agreed once again. Both cackled as Marianne's long, thin arms slid their way around Ryan's neck, while his hands winded around her waist._

_Marianne's face leaned down to meet his. Ryan's eyes closed._

"_No!" Erin shouted. Her heartbeat kept getting faster, and the desperation for all of this to go away overcame her. "No!"_

_She took another step back. And another. Her vision blurred with tears, and the scene in front of her began to fade._

_She took another step._

No

_Everything went black._

Please_, _no

_She couldn't breathe._

"NO!!" Erin awoke with a start, screaming and jumping to a sitting position. She gasped, her heart beating dangerously fast. Her eyes were as round as saucers, bright against the darkness around her bedroom as she placed a hand over her heaving chest.

She gulped a few times, and she began to calm down slightly. She focused on her breathing, and it eventually slowed down to a normal pace. After a minute or so, she leaned back into her pillows and sighed through her nose, closing her eyes.

Erin swallowed again, blinking her eyes open. She quietly slipped out of bed and padded slowly over to her mirror, glancing over at her digital clock. It was 5:35 in the morning, and she sighed. Obviously, this sort of insomnia wasn't new to her, but that fact didn't really make her feel any better.

She stopped at the mirror while staring at her reflection, her skin slightly illuminated due to the darkness around her.

It was always the same dream. At least twice or three times a month, she would go to sleep to find herself back in the office with strange reincarnations of Ryan and Marianne. She would always wake up the same way too; screaming and gasping, desperate for it all to end.

Under normal circumstances, like these, she would take this time to wallow in self-pity, wishing that things had ended up differently. She would constantly relive everything that had happened last May: every word she said, Ryan said, every movement they made, even the way he had turned and walked away from her. It was painful for her to think about, but she couldn't help it. It was a scab she couldn't stop picking at.

Erin contemplated sitting in front of her window with a mug of warm milk while watching the sunrise, thinking about these painfully heartbreaking memories, when her cell phone suddenly rang.

It was a terrific shock-- she jumped about a foot in the air as it vibrated loudly on her wood vanity. Heart hammering, she picked it up and checked the caller I.D. Who was calling her at this time of the morning?

"Hello?" She answered, sounding weary.

No answer at first, just whispers in the background. Erin's breath caught in her throat, and she panicked when she thought someone was stalking her or something. But then the phone was picked up by someone who spoke to her directly.

"Hey, Erin?"

Erin sighed in partial relief. She recognized that voice. "What, Andy?"

"Um..." her ex-fiancee stuttered. "Hey sweetie. I, uh... didn't think you would be up at this time."

"Then why did you call my phone?" Erin asked simply, running a hand through her hair.

"Oh, um... uh, no reason. We were planning on just leaving you a message, but actually... no. This is better. Hold on." Andy began whispering once again to someone in the background.

She was about ready to hang up the phone when all of a sudden, several men in the background of Andy's end began a slow, mournful, a cappella tune--

_Oooh, I know, oooh  
__Oooh, I know, oooh_

Erin scrunched her eyebrows. What was he doing?

"Hit it fellas!"

Several other men began to harmonize with the background singers. Andy began to sing lead:

_Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
__It's not warm when she's away  
__Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
__She's always gone too long  
__Any time she goes away!_

Erin's mouth was a thin, firm line. She sighed audibly into the phone, but it went unnoticed by the apparent reunion of Here Comes Treble--

_Oh, I know I know I know  
__I know I know I know  
__I know I know  
__I know..._

Andy was getting carried away with his singing; his voice was rising and falling dramatically and unnecessarily. Erin couldn't believe she used to think that was cute.

After about another minute or so of 'ooh's and 'ahh's, the line finally went silent. Andy then picked up the phone, breathing heavily and obviously smiling hugely.

"Well, Erin?" He gasped. "What do you say?"

She decided to stay silent for a lingering second before saying impassively, "Can you guys give Andy and me a minute?"

A sound of shuffling and whispering then a slamming of a door in the distance. Erin began immediately.

"Andy, what the hell are you doing?"

He chuckled nervously. "Whoa. Don't think I ever heard you swear before..."

"Look," Erin placed her hand on her forehead wearily. She fought to keep her voice calm. "Andy, can you please stop? Our relationship is over, you left Dunder-Mifflin over a month ago, and you don't even live in Scranton anymore. Why do you still insist on calling me at weird hours of the night, begging me to take you back?"

"I don't know." Andy argued. "I just... I don't get it." he started breathing heavily, and Erin recognized that as him losing control of his anger. She decided to speak in a more soothing manner.

"Andy..." she started consolingly.

"No, I want to know, Erin!" Andy interrupted, now yelling. Erin flinched, knowing a docile tone of voice would no longer help. "I don't understand! One day we're fine, and the next you're packing up and leaving! Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Am I not charming enough? Was it because I invited Broccoli Rob and his husband to your parent's anniversary party? What...?"

"Andy." Erin interrupted firmly, and he finally quieted. "Today is Saturday, right?"

Andy faltered. "Um... yeah. Why?"

"Do you want to meet up for breakfast?"

Andy seemed absolutely ecstatic and this request, but Erin also added. "I think I owe you an explanation."

"Oh," Andy's voice held obvious disappointment. He didn't sound angry though when he mumbled, "I think that's a good idea."

"Yeah." Erin's mouth held a sad smile as they made arrangements to meet up at a Denny's in Allentown at around nine o'clock. Several minutes later, both said their goodbyes, and hung up.

Erin listened to the disconnected tone for a few seconds before gently placing the phone back in it's holster. She turned and walked toward her closet, about to get ready for the day. Only thoughts of a lost best friend and blue eyes scaring her filled her mind. She shivered.

She didn't think she was ever going to be ready to tell him the whole story. But being brave had nothing to do with being ready, did it?

***

Breakfast was surreal experience. She remembered meeting him at the restaurant as they promised, thanking the Lord God he didn't bring his Cornell friends with him. He had bought the deluxe breakfast special and she had gotten a coffee. They had exchanged pleasantries for several minutes before a silence fell over them.

Even though everything felt like a big blur, she remembered one particular question with great distinction.

_Why exactly did you break off our wedding, Erin?_

It was a simple enough question, but Erin felt her pulse quicken as a response. She knew, full well, why she broke off the engagement. But should she tell that to Andy? He most certainly wasn't the most tolerant person in the world. But he loved her, and Erin had loved him too. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together, and she had torn that promise right out from under him and walked away. All because of one truth she could hardly even face herself.

She could have lied. She could have said that there were many reasons that just added up to be one, big reason for her to break things off. She could have said that she still had hopes and dreams, and felt that he was just going to weigh her down. The options were limitless...

But she didn't lie. She just sighed, bit her lip, and told him the truth.

She had to admit: she quite literally braced herself for the verbal abuse Andy was most definitely going to give to her. She expected him to scream and shout a make a huge scene in the middle of the little restaurant. But, shockingly, he was absolutely silent as she recounted her reason for leaving him.

When she finished, she watched for his reaction. He had his elbows propped up on the table, his head buried in his hands for the last few minutes of her talking. When there was silence, he stayed in that position for a bit longer. He then finally slid his hands down to his face and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. He brought his arms down and crossed them together on the table top, his eyes looking weary and forlorn.

"Now I really wish I didn't sing to you over the phone earlier today."

Erin gave a weak smile. "Yeah, it probably would have gone down better if you didn't..."

Andy merely smiled resignedly, accepting fate.

They talked for a few hours at the breakfast place, their food and coffee long gone by the end. They spoke freely, not exactly skirting the topic of Ryan, but mostly keeping the conversation friendly. She talked about her work and how her parents were doing, and he mostly talked about his new job in Dunmore and his a cappella buddies keeping him company since the breakup.

"Yeah, they've been super-supportive of my situation." Andy smiled proudly, and Erin saw a small glimmer of the old Andrew Bernard shine in his eyes. "They're all staying with me, and it's been really cool. The only bad part is that Broccoli Rob keeps trying to cuddle with me at night when I'm trying to go to sleep, but other than that it's been great..."

Erin laughed, and Andy smiled when she did. They talked happily for several more minutes before Andy checked his watch. It was getting late.

"Well, I should probably skee-daddle." Andy stood up and stretched, picking up his coat in the process. "I don't really want to leave the guys alone at my house for too long. I've already had to go to the grocery store four times this week, the fridge keeps running on empty."

Erin walked him out to his car. When they came to his door, he turned around to face her.

She smiled at him. "I'm going to miss you, Andy."

Andy's smile faded slightly. "I'll miss you too, Erin."

They hugged, and Erin walked back to her own car, watching Andy climb into his and starting it. She grinned and waved as he pulled out of the parking lot, and he waved back.

She really was going to miss him, but saying goodbye was only the beginning. Erin turned back to her car, knowing she still had some unfinished business to attend to.

She just hoped she wasn't too late.

* * *

**A/N: I know, this wasn't really along with the plot. Sorry 'bout that:( but I just really wanted Erin and Andy to have some closure. I still hope you guys liked it though, and I promise the next chapter will be much more dramatic and on-topic than this one was:)**

**Also, the beginning of the chapter was my first attempt at writing a dream. So I very much hope it was to your satisfaction.**

**The song was Ain't No Sunshine by Bill Withers for all those who are interested.**


	8. Beach Games

**A/N: Not much to say at the moment, other than this chapter still takes place in February, and in winter if you can imagine.**

**Special thanks to all those reviewing. You guys mean the world to me:)**

**Chapter 8-- Beach Games**

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me." Stanley Hudson said dubiously.

The small office gathered together, huddled in a tight-knit group, as if that would save them from the bitter cold that swept over them as they stood early in the morning outside their business park's front doors. As if that would save them from the utter stupidity that their boss presented to them, standing alone in front of the group with his arms spread out wide.

"Come on guys!" he whined loudly, causing several members of the group to cringe. "Hiking is fun! And it'll help all of us connect on a whole new level! We're a family, are we not?"

No one said a word, but several eyes managed to roll upward in annoyance.

Erin piped up from the back. "Michael, this seems like a bad idea. It's below freezing out here!" she bounced a little on her toes, proving her point. The others nodded at each other, agreeing vehemently.

Michael waved that statement out of the air. "Pfft. When has a little frostbite ever hurt anyone?"

Again, the group became quiet, other than a few frustrated sighs and a whispered, 'Is this guy for real?' from a disgruntled Mark.

Michael went on, "Come on, people! This hiking trip can be really, really fun, and you all just want to sit in the dark and moan!? Seriously??"

There was a general murmur of assent throughout the crowd, Stanley's voice more noticeable than the other's. Everyone, upon agreement, began making their way toward the door, leaving Michael behind in the cold.

Erin didn't know if anyone else was going to say anything because all other sound was drowned out by a sudden, massive horn.

HONK!!

Everybody nearly jumped out of their skin as they spun around to see what had made such an unholy racket. Erin's eyes practically popped out of her head when she saw a gigantic double-decker bus pulling into their parking lot, its shiny black surface gleaming in the late February sun.

It parked to a screeching halt behind Michael, and everyone was now turned toward this monstrosity, their mouths unashamedly hanging wide open.

"Whoa." Oscar finally eeked out. Mutters were thrown here and there throughout the small crowd.

"Oh my God, Michael seriously got us a coach bus to take us hiking?" Marianne stepped away from Ryan's side and moved closer to the giant vehicle, dumbfounded.

"Not just any bus: that's a _motorcoach_!" Oscar's brown eyes were wide with shock.

"A what?"

"A motorcoach." Creed elaborated, looking distinctly relaxed as he shoved his hands in his pockets and tilted his head up toward the massive bus. "Equipped with wide-ride suspension and electronic stability control. Also the latest in entertainment systems with 10 ½ inch TV screens every other row along with Wi-fi, power outlets, and ipod docks per passenger."

Everyone stared at him.

"Also wheelchair lifts." Creed finished.

Everyone began whispering excitedly to each other, their mood drastically improving. The idea of hiking was obviously getting more and more attractive.

Michael was oblivious to the sudden mood shift of his employees, and turned sadly around, shuffling toward the bus's door. Oscar piped up.

"Wait, Michael. What are you doing?"

Michael turned around to look at him. "You guys aren't going hiking with me anymore, right?" he shrugged. "I'm going to tell the bus driver to call off the trip."

Michael turned back around and started walking toward the bus, mumbling about under-appreciated gestures. Oscar spun back around toward his coworkers, eyes wide with desperation. They all reflected his expression-- none of them wanted to give up this valuable opportunity at such luxury! They began whispering again, this time frantically. Marianne finally cleared her throat, and stepped forward.

"Michael," she said confidently, and he turned around. Erin noticed the way her shoulders were firmly squared and her head was held up high as she flaunted her unwavering leadership of the small group. Erin had seen this Marianne several times before over the months she had known her, and couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Why couldn't Erin be as confident as her?

"We may have reconsidered your offer." She said, glancing behind her shoulder at the other workers, and they all nodded agreeably. Marianne turned and smirked back at Michael.

Michael's injured expression turned to that of surprise. "Really?"

Marianne nodded. "Yes. We have all thought about it, and we believe that a hiking trip for the whole office is an excellent opportunity for us all to connect on a more personal level." She casually gestured to the people behind her, and Erin was reminded of a teacher presenting her band of toddlers to the parents. She shifted, looking down.

Michael nodded, warming up to Marianne's reasoning.

Marianne smiled encouragingly. "This hiking trip might be just what we need, Michael. Right?" She added, glancing back at the others. They immediately began nodding and agreeing once again. Erin couldn't help but be a little impressed, as much as she hated to admit it.

Michael was full-on smiling now. "All right... yeah! Cool! Okay-- let's go then!"

The workers didn't need telling twice. They clambered over each other, trying to be the first ones onto the bus. There was excitable chatter all around Erin as she followed the crowd toward the door. Directly in front of her was Ryan, and walking toward him from against the crowd was Marianne. Erin didn't need to see Ryan's face to know that he was smiling at his girlfriend.

She smiled back at Ryan, the air of confidence still surrounding her thin frame. It made Erin feel sick.

"Not bad, Donnerton. Not bad." Ryan smirked, and Marianne grinned back. Erin couldn't help but stare as Ryan casually set his hand on her lower back and led her over to the bus's door.

Erin slowed to a stop, the last one outside. Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the spot where Ryan and Marianne disappeared through the doorway.

Five months. She couldn't believe it had only been five months ago when Ryan had walked through those office doors, hand-in-hand with Marianne. Because, to Erin, it felt like five _years_. Things like the glances, the giggles, or the knowledge that Ryan and Marianne were even remotely happy together made Erin just want to jump up from her desk and storm out the front doors, leaving forever without a glance back. How Ryan would react to that-- Erin imagined him looking at her walking away, his smile fading into a look of utter heartbreak. If she could make him feel just an ounce the way she had been feeling for over half a year now...

"Hey."

Erin snapped back to reality and looked up. Ryan was standing on top of the staircase leading to the cabin, alone and looking down at her. He shifted on his feet, clearing his throat.

"Um... you coming?" He jerked his head toward the inside of the bus, where Erin just noticed the excited voices of the office workers as they were obviously discovering all of the cool features the vehicle contained.

Erin blinked, and nodded. "Yeah." She gave him a tight-lipped smile, and Ryan smiled back while disappearing back inside.

Erin sighed before she started climbing up the stairs, toward a bus filled with temporarily happy employees and things she knew she could never have.

***

The ride took much longer than everyone expected, but when they finally got to their destination, no one wanted to leave the bus. It took a good 20 minutes of Michael shooing and about ten seconds of Darryl shouting at them to get off the God-damn bus that got the workers scrambling for the door.

The place Michael had picked for their hiking trip wasn't half bad, Erin noticed. The area was wooded with tall, beautiful trees looking down at all the workers. The path was a narrow, dirt road that winded its way into the dark forest that lay ahead. The sun was still rising in the early morning sky, the light filtering through the trees. The sight was breathtaking.

Erin didn't have much time to appreciate it before Michael was bounding ahead of the group in full exploration garb. He was gleefully shouting: "C'mon gang! Time to go a-hikin'!"

The euphoria from the motorcoach bus almost immediately evaporated as the office workers trudged after their boss, grumbling down the path through the trees. Their hike began, despite that they were still in their work clothes; also most of the women were in either dressy heels or flats. Erin, unfortunately, wore her brand new brown espadrilles that day, and she was having a hard time manuevering over the branches and rocks that happened to be on the path. She was falling behind everyone.

She stumbled slightly and almost fell over, but strong arms caught her around the shoulders. For a fleeting second she thought (hoped) it was Ryan who had prevented her from falling. But no-- it was Steven. Erin managed to hide her disappointment as she smiled and apologized to him.

"No need to be sorry," Steven smiled kindly, glancing down at Erin's inappropriate shoes. "Must be tough to be a lady walking around out here."

Erin rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Yeah, I can tell Michael _really _thought this trip through."

Steven chuckled, and gestured ahead of him politely, allowing Erin to walk before him. "If you want, I can stay with you and make sure you stay on your feet."

Erin grinned, liking the old man more and more by the second. "Sure, thank you. Yeah, I'd hate to wipe out on the path here and most likely get left behind..."

The hike actually wasn't really that bad. Erin and Steven chatted as they took in the nature all around them. She found out that he was at one time a psychologist who had had a doctorate, but he had gotten his license taken away due to fooling around with a couple of his secretaries. Erin found this oddly fascinating. When the conversation turned to her, she talked about her mother and her broken engagement and her hobbies. Steven found them equally as interesting.

The hike wore on and on, and it soon became around midday. All the workers were groaning about leg pains and cramps, and Michael finally listened.

"There's a clearing up ahead!" He shouted over all the heads of the workers, who cheered weakly. Steven praised the Lord God his lower limbs were all still attached, and Erin giggled.

Michael walked up ahead to the area and plopped himself down right on the ground. Dwight immediately parroted his boss, flopping down right next to him. Everyone else were more hesitant, but eventually everyone's fatigue got the best of them, and they sat down among the dirt and the leaves and the bugs. Michael then started digging into his knapsack and produced about five or six identical bottles of vodka. He began passing them around the small group, and everyone began mumbling to each other with the alcohol constantly moving between them all. The comfortable chatter made Erin feel sleepy and relaxed.

Erin plopped down beside Steven, who got gingerly down on his haunches. Across from them were Ryan and Marianne, her cuddling against Ryan's side sleepily with him whispering something to her. Erin couldn't tear her eyes from the small scene when Steven finally got himself settled on the ground. He looked over at her and smiled softly.

"You shouldn't give up on him, you know."

Erin looked at him, but his eyes had drifted over to the couple. Erin opened her mouth to say something to him, but she couldn't formulate any words. She opted for silence.

Steven went on, "When he came to Utica, I could tell-- all the signs pointed to a broken heart. The kid didn't talk at all except about work. He was detached and moody, but I could tell he wasn't always like that." Steven shook his head and shrugged. "He was depressed, plain and simple."

Erin just stared at Steven with wide eyes. He kept talking.

"I mean, the only one he would ever really talk to was Marianne. She's a sweet girl, don't get me wrong. But I could tell she liked him, as more than just a friend. I was obviously concerned about them. I mean, she could have easily gotten hurt. But, before we all knew it, they were a couple and the kid seemed to smile a whole lot more. I honestly thought he was happy, and that I was wrong about my assumption..."

Steven then gave Erin a wide grin, making her curiosity peak. "... But that was before I came here and met you."

Erin's mouth opened in shock, but one corner of her lips turned up in an instinctive half-grin. "Me?"

Steven nodded, giving her a friendly pat on the knee. "Yes, my dear: you. I saw one look that boy gave you, and I knew that my assumptions of him were completely right."

Steven smiled slightly at her for a moment before turning back forward, looking up at the bright sky. He tilted his head up a little more and closed his eyes lazily. "He may not be as happy as you think he is, Erin. I hope you understand that."

***

Erin knew she should have seen this coming. She could have brought a backup compass or map, but she had chosen to put all of her faith into her immature boss and idiot sidekick. And now she had to live with the consequences.

"Michael, just admit it." Oscar wheezed, coming to a stop and leaning over, catching his breath. "We're completely lost!"

They had all been wandering for a good four hours or so after their rest, but Michael still insisted that he knew exactly where they were. Even though the sky was beginning get darker.

"Shut up, man, I know exactly where we are!" Michael persisted, looking to his left, then to his right. Then spun around to look behind him. Erin rolled her eyes.

"Michael, I'm tired!" Kevin whined, hunching over. "And I'm hungry! Can we just sit for a few minutes? Please?"

Michael sighed resignedly. "Ugh, fine. We can sit, but only for a minute or two! No longer than that-- we have to keep moving if... um, I mean when... we ever get out of here."

Everyone groaned as they lowered themselves to the ground. The sun was almost all the way down, and it began to get cold. Erin felt a breeze fall over them all as they settled down, and she shivered as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself.

"God, it is freezing out here!" Michael proclaimed into the silent air. Dwight immediately hopped up, yelling "I'm on it!" and began pawing at the ground in the middle of the circle of people. Everyone watched him with mild interest as he finished digging, then began searching the dark forest floor for rocks. He started collecting them in his cargo jacket pockets, then began lining the pit with them.

People finally realized that Dwight was building a fire pit, and they all began scooching closer to the middle eagerly, looking forward to the warmth.

Michael piped up, "Someone needs to get wood!"

Erin could've sworn she heard him mumble 'that's what she said' before speaking directly to her. "Erin! Could you go looking for some broken branches or something to get Dwight's fire started?"

Erin obediently stood up and turned toward the trees, but almost immediately stumbled and fell over due to her annoyingly unstable shoes. She groaned as she pushed herself back into a sitting position, several hands coming to pull her back up to stand. Her knees throbbed from the impact, and she was sure that they were now caked with dirt.

Michael, however, snickered at her misfortune. "Looks like our little receptionist had a little too much to drink-y." he giggled, and Erin turned bright red. "Can someone go with Erin? To make sure she doesn't trip over a squirrel or something?"

Steven immediately began to get up, but Michael shook his head. "Sorry, gramps. We need someone who can at least stay alive for the next five minutes without a hip fracture. Ryan, you go with her."

Ryan's head snapped up and Erin's eyes widened with shock. Her heart beat uncomfortably fast as she gulped, leaning against a tree to steady herself on her feet. They hadn't interacted at all for a good few weeks or so. And now they were supposed to wander off into a dark forest together, alone? Ryan cleared his throat.

"Oh, uh... That's okay, Erin. I can do it myself. I don't want you wiping out or anything." He stood up, and Erin couldn't decide if his concern was out of love or fear of being alone with her.

Michael responded before Erin could. "C'mon temp. You need an extra pair of arms for carrying! Suck it up, will you?"

Ryan stared at Michael for a moment before glancing over in Erin's direction. She looked down as he slowly made his way over to her. Her heart was beating loudly. He stopped in front of her, and hesitantly held out his forearm, Erin taking it lightly. She clutched it with sweaty fingers as they made their way into the dark forest, painfully aware of the people staring at their retreating backs.

They went on for several minutes, not saying a word. Ryan helped her manuever around the worse parts of the forest floor. Every once in awhile they came across a good log or two and gathered them up in their arms. Erin wasn't really sure what else she was supposed to do; it all felt rather unreal. Ryan touching her, helping her. Making her feel distinctly safe without saying a word. This all felt like something from a past life.

After a particularly nasty stumble in her heels, Erin had had enough. Giving a frustrated grunt, she threw down the few logs that were in her arms and ripped off her shoes, chucking them as far away from her as possible.

Ryan burst out laughing at her actions, and Erin grinned shyly at him. She loved that she could still make him laugh.

"Dumb shoes," she smiled at him, and shook her head.

Ryan grinned, "Yeah, I can tell."

Erin giggled, and leaned over, scooping up the branches she dropped. When she straightened up, she looked at Ryan.

He was still smiling at her.

Erin gave him an amused look. "What?"

Ryan, still grinning, glanced down at his shoes. "Nothing. It's just that... It seems like a long time since... well--" he stuttered out, shrugging. Erin understood.

"I know." she nodded. She casually walked past him and searched the ground for more branches. "I get it, though." She felt brave when she said that. A feeling she had long since forgotten.

Ryan sounded confused. "Get what?"

Erin kept walking.

"Erin, what do you get?" Ryan caught up with her, taking a light hold of her shoulder.

Erin stopped at his touch. She had missed that touch. Not the one that held her steady while she walked or the accidental ones when they passed each other in the office. But the loving touch that she hadn't felt for months. Since all those lifetimes ago, when they were friends.

Erin turned around to look at him, and he was looking at her with eyes about as caring as his touch.

"Erin, what's wrong?" He scrunched his eyebrows, and Erin bit her lip. She was tired of skirting the subject with him. She took a deep breath, forgetting about speeches she practiced to herself in the early mornings in her apartment. It was time to speak from the heart.

"I get..." she started, but then hesitated. "I get that... you've changed."

Ryan scrunched his eyebrows, and Erin added. "I've accepted that."

Ryan shook his head slightly while dropping his hand from her shoulder. "Erin, I haven't changed." he said automatically.

Erin gave a sympathetic smile. "Haven't you?"

Ryan was silent. Erin just went on, unable to stop.

"Ryan, you told me, months ago, about what you wanted. That you wanted to be the one to bring me flowers every Tuesday and that you wanted to be the one that I would come to for everything. You wanted us to be more than what we were. But what you failed to realize is that, throughout all of this, you were already these things. _All _of them."

Ryan had turned sheet-white at her words, but Erin wasn't finished.

"Do you remember what I used to do with the flowers Andy would give me? I would bring them over to your desk and we would think up of different ways we could use them to annoy Michael, usually involving growing peonies in his coffee mug or sprinkling petals on his desk and chair. And you wanted me to come to you for everything? Didn't you realize that I _did _come to you for everything already?? Ryan, honestly, I don't think I opened up to anyone like I had opened up to you! Not even Andy. You made me laugh, and I never really cared about anything else in the world when you did. I realize that you didn't feel that that was enough, and I realize this now too. You said that you wanted me to be the one to love you endlessly, but..." Erin's voice shook, and died. She looked away, her vision blurred with tears.

Ryan stepped closer to her. "I wasn't wrong?" His eyes glistened in the darkness around him.

Erin looked up at him, fighting off the emotional fatigue she felt after pouring her heart out. "Like I said: you already were everything you wanted to be."

She turned around before she registered his reaction, and began walking quickly through the forest, away from Ryan and the path they had been following. She walked and jogged and walked some more, not able to think clearly.

She suddenly burst out of the trees into a clearing so big, Erin had a hard time distinguishing it. But she soon realized that she had made it out of the forest and back to where the bus was waiting. She had almost no time to thank God she had made it out alive when everyone from the office began filing out of the trees beside her, giving shouts of happiness that they had found their way to the bus.

Erin knew that it was Ryan who had led the others out, which meant he had been following her while she walked away. But she didn't care. She didn't even look for him as she followed her coworkers onto the expensive bus.

She felt no need to at the moment.


	9. The Job

**Here it is. The big finish. The final chapter of this story has finally arrived...**

**Well, not really:) I plan on writing an epilogue after this chapter, to hold my amazingly awesome reviewers over. Only that this is the last true chapter of the story, and in a way I'm really going to miss it. Haha, I'm sorry if I scared you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the office or NBC.

* * *

**

**Chapter 9-- The Job**

The whole situation took about two weeks to finally play out.

The first day back was like any other day at the office: mumbled greetings, ringing phones, and Michael. Erin was nervous coming back, but the main emotion she was feeling was defiance. What she had said was out there for the world to see, and she wasn't going to take it back now. Even if Ryan were to reject her and humiliate her and turn his back on her forever, she could still hold her head up high and get through it.

Or at least appear to.

Weeks had passed with hardly anything happening. And Erin had thought what was done was done. That Ryan had moved on.

She shed her tears after work-- where he couldn't see her.

***

Erin walked into the office early on a Friday morning, empty as usual. She dabbed at her eyes with a crumpled tissue, and sniffled ever so slightly. She tucked the used Kleenex back into her purse, wiping her wet eyes with her wrist as she settled herself in her desk. She pulled her compact mirror out of her bag and flicked it open, checking to see if her appearance wasn't too bad.

As she was snapping the mirror shut, a shout was suddenly heard from inside the conference room. It made Erin gasp and drop the compact on the floor with a clack. She thought she was alone in the office. Heart hammering, she gulped and stood up slowly. She leaned forward and tried to peek through the window where she had heard the noise...

Ryan and Marianne were both in there, having a heated argument.

Erin froze, eyes wide. Ryan and Marianne were here! How could she not have noticed them right away? Erin watched warily as Marianne screamed something at Ryan, the restricted view Erin had showing Marianne's face growing bright red with anger. Ryan would respond occasionally, never yelling. But whatever he would say would just anger Marianne even more.

The other office workers began trickling in, stopping dead in their tracks halfway to their desks with wide eyes, looking around when they heard the ruckus going on in the next room. Ryan and Marianne seemed to be completely oblivious to the workers staring at them through the windows, whispering behind their hands to each other. The couple just argued on and on...

For more than half the day, Ryan and Marianne stayed in the conference room. No one dared intrude, but they all had come up with many theories as to what they were arguing about. Oscar thought that Marianne had gotten a job somewhere else, and was trying to convince Ryan to come with her. Phyllis had whispered something about maybe Ryan was getting fired again. Creed said something about giving up hope, because they were both dead.

Finally, at around 12:30 in the afternoon, they finally emerged. It was rather awkward as everyone tried to ignore them, but their eyes kept straying over to the pair as they made their way in separate directions. Erin watched out of the corner of her eye as Marianne strolled over to her desk, Meredith's old, and delicately set herself down. Erin could have sworn she heard a sniffle emit from her as she got to work.

Erin finally glanced over at Ryan, who had also went back to his desk. He wasn't working-- just sitting there, staring at nothing. He leaned back in his chair as he brought his hand up to his forehead, rubbing it wearily. He slid the heel of his palm up to his hairline and closed his eyes heavily. He suddenly brought his hand down and sighed, opened his eyes, and glanced over at Erin.

Erin, blinking quickly, gave him a small, anxious smile. Ryan gave a tentative grin back before both looked away.

Erin stared hard at her keyboard. She quickly began typing something up for Michael-- she believed it was some spreadsheet he was making her write in reverse alphabetical order. She was just finishing up Mr. Zuckerman's information when she saw a shadow fall across her line of vision.

She looked up. Ryan was standing there.

Erin blinked. "Hey."

Ryan nervously drummed his fingers on her counter. "Hey, what's up?"

Erin shrugged. "Nothing much. How've you been doing?"

Ryan smiled slightly, looking down. "Okay... I guess."

Erin smiled sympathetically at her friend, who smiled back. He quickly looked away and coughed slightly in his hand, uncomfortable. "Marianne and me. We uh... we broke up." he mumbled out.

Erin genuinely felt sorry for him. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He shrugged, and Erin chuckled weakly. There was a short silence again, until Ryan broke it.

"Hey, have you had lunch yet?" he asked suddenly. His voice was casual, but it made Erin's heartbeat jump to astronomical speeds. She gulped.

"Oh, um... no. No, I haven't."

"Oh." Ryan blinked. "Okay. Well... would you like to have lunch with me right now then?"

Erin's mouth opened slightly as she smiled at her old friend. "Sure." she answered quietly, pressing her lips together and smiling.

"Okay." Ryan's manner seemed a little more relieved at this point. He smiled back at her. "All right. So I'll meet you at the door in... five minutes?" He offered, looking at her expectantly.

"'Kay." Erin's grin grew wider as Ryan smiled at her. He turned and walked back to his desk.

Biting her lip almost giddily, Erin clicked off the Excel spreadsheet she was typing up before she boarded the phones. She met Ryan at the door just as they had planned and walked out with him to his car. He held each door open for her politely, and Erin couldn't help but feel hopeful.

She had almost forgotten the last few months had even taken place as she and Ryan laughed and joked all the way to the restaurant. But only almost.

Ryan and her went to this really cute Scranton cafe called Leonardo's. It wasn't too formal, but it was dimly lit and many of the tables contained couples or happy groups of people. Erin and Ryan had been chatting pleasantly for the last 10 minutes or so, and Erin was having a good time. But, she knew, there was more to this outing than just small-talk.

A silence fell over them. Erin just stared at her hands as it pressed on.

"Erin, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Erin looked up from her meal to look at her friend, but he was staring intently at his uneaten burger. She watched as he took a deep breath, gathering the courage to say what he needed to.

"Look, Erin..." Ryan began to explain. "You were right. I wasn't paying attention to what I wanted, and I had almost lost sight of basically everything I ever wanted in life. I was too blind to realize all that I was. All that I had become to you." He smiled softly at her, and Erin blushed.

He went on. "That's what Marianne and I were fighting about all today. I called her early this morning and asked her to meet me at the office right away. She came at around 7:30, and I thought I could get the argument over with before everyone came to work..." Ryan chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. "That obviously didn't happen."

Erin didn't laugh. "So, that's the reason why you guys broke up? You just said that you weren't what you wanted to be?" She knew she wasn't being very subtle, but didn't care. She just wanted to know if she, herself, was the reason they broke up.

Ryan, however, heard her loud and clear. "That's all that was mentioned. But I think she knew what the real reason was."

Erin stayed silent, and Ryan went on. "About a month ago, Marianne and I were walking out of the office for the day. I remember: we were running late for a dinner reservation, and we were trying to move fast. You were walking behind us, and while we were heading out the front doors, you tripped on the lip where the doorframe met the asphalt and fell, bumping your knee. I remember, you had stacks of papers and file folders in your arms and you spilled them all over the place..."

Erin scrunched her eyebrows. Where was he going with this?

Ryan smiled slightly at her. "Marianne kept walking to the car, but I stopped to help you, remember? I let you lean on me as you limped inside to get a band-aid and some antiseptic. I also insisted on picking up the things you dropped while you sat and rested. That took an extra five minutes or so, and Marianne wasn't very happy when she came looking for where I had went."

Ryan shrugged. "I think that's when she started getting suspicious. And after that, everything just, sort of..." he trailed off.

Erin made a soft, exploding sound with her mouth and tossed her hands up slightly above her shoulders, indicating the chaos that had recently taken place between the two. Ryan laughed, and Erin smirked at her little joke. They fell into silence once again.

Suddenly knawed by curiosity, Erin looked up at him, tilting her head. "Wait-- Marianne was suspicious?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

Erin blinked, unable to hold it in any longer. "Huh."

Ryan was confused. "Why does it matter?"

Erin blinked, and shook her head. "You said that when she saw you help me that that was the moment she _started _to get suspicious of you..."

Erin looked at him as Ryan looked down and away from her. Both knew what she was getting at.

"Did you give her any other reason to be jealous, Ryan?" Erin asked, rather bravely.

Ryan finally looked back up at Erin. He took a deep breath before answering. "I... may have."

Erin just looked at him, not daring to say anything more.

Ryan leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on the table. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about today, Erin. What you said a couple weeks ago opened my eyes about what I was doing, and how wrong it was. I was only dating Marianne because I thought she was exactly what I needed-- she's smart and successful and... well, she was basically the perfect distraction from everything else going on."

He suddenly slid his hand over to Erin's and took it, grasping it lightly in his. Erin merely stared at their entwined fingers.

"Erin, I'm just going to come right out with it--" Erin tore her eyes from their hands and looked up into Ryan's blue eyes. They were looking at her with a form of desperation. "I never really got over you. Even though I wanted to and I _tried_ to, and I wanted nothing more than to forget: I couldn't. I was hoping moving away to Utica and dating Marianne would make me forget. But the fact still remains that..."

He paused, and Erin bit her lip, feeling her eyes blur with tears. "Erin, I'm still crazy about you."

Erin sniffled loudly, smiling while letting out a breath. A tear or two slipped down her cheeks as she squeezed Ryan's hand tighter. "You have no idea how long I've wanted you to say that." she whispered, still grinning hugely.

A smile lit Ryan's face, his eyes growing bright while he let out a small laugh. He looked down, trying to contain his happiness as Erin merely smiled at him. "I could say the same about that statement..." Ryan looked back up at Erin, smiling. Erin blushed, unable to stop smiling at him.

Erin, realizing the tears on her face, quickly reached up with her free hand and wiped them away. "So... where do we go from here?" she asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, still grinning happily.

Ryan, however, did not smile at this question. He didn't squeeze her hand or look at her sweetly or tell her what she wanted to hear. He merely sighed and looked down at his meal, his smile fading.

"Where we go from here..." Ryan hesitated, holding Erin's hand even tighter. As if he were afraid of letting go. "Where we go is back to being friends again."

Erin wasn't expecting this answer. Her smile faded, and she blinked as she looked at Ryan curiously.

"What?"

Ryan closed his eyes, a pained look crossing over his face. "I know. I know this sounds crazy, especially after what we just said to each other, but--"

"You broke up with Marianne just so we could be friends again?" Erin interrupted, confused and hurt.

"No," Ryan said instinctively. "I mean yes. I mean--" he stopped, frustrated. He took a deep breath "Look: every relationship I've ever had within the last six years completely failed on me. My thing with Kelly was just one disaster after another and my relationship with Marianne was purely superficial, and never became any more than that. I don't want it to be that way again, Erin."

Erin's vision blurred once again, but this time with tears of anger. "So this is your solution? Not take any chances so nothing bad will happen? Tell it to my face, Ryan: you just don't want to be with me..." Erin tore her hand away from his and leapt up from her seat, grabbing her purse.

"No!" Ryan begged, standing up to face her. He took both of her hands with both of his, holding them tightly. Erin didn't move, but she still glared at him coldly. "No, Erin, that's not what I mean. Please believe me: that's not what I mean at all!"

Erin softened slightly. She slipped her hands out of his grasp and crossed her arms. "Well, then. What _do_ you mean?"

Ryan sighed, rubbing a hand across his forehead. "The reason those relationships didn't work was because... we started dating too soon. With Kelly, we just randomly hooked up on some random bar outing. I barely even knew her then. And with Marianne... well, she was just sort of there." Ryan looked troubled. "I... I don't want to get into anything when I can barely even pick up the pieces of my last broken relationship. No matter how badly I want it."

Erin, looking sad, dropped her arms to her sides. "Ryan, I understand that you must be afraid. I would be too. But--"

"No." Ryan interrupted, final. "Erin, I want us to work. I really do. But... I'm not going to treat you like I did Kelly or Marianne. You don't deserve that." He brought his hand up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

Erin just looked at him, confused. "Then what are you saying?"

Ryan sighed, and brought his hand down to take hold of hers. He led her back over to the table and both sat down on opposite sides. "What I'm saying is that... we need time. 'Taking it slow', I guess you could call it. We go back to being friends and wait for when the time is right. I know this probably isn't the greatest solution, but it's all I can do to show you I'm committed to us. The thought of losing you is too great, and... well, I'd rather wait for something great than dive right into something that could potentially fail."

Erin looked at him, then down at her ignored meal, thinking. What he said made perfect sense, even if she didn't really like it. Over the months that he had basically ignored her, they had lost that spark of friendship that Erin had loved so much. They needed this and, as much as Erin hated to admit it, she really would regret it if her and Ryan were to jump into something without even thinking about it. That would be dumb, and she knew it.

Erin bit her lip resignedly. "You're right."

Ryan gave her a sad smile. "So... friends?"

He held out his hand for her to shake, and Erin couldn't help but grin. She took his hand with hers and shook.

"Friends."

* * *

**Two Months Later**

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Erin."

Ryan looked up to watch Erin work from his desk. He watched the way she bit her lip in utter concentration while she listened to the person on the other end. She quickly picked up a purple pen with a feathery top (a last parting gift from Kelly) and scribbled down a message for Michael. She had her hair up in a comfortable ponytail, her bangs pinned up on top of her head. She was dressed in a simple navy blue v-necked t-shirt and gray sway skirt, for Michael had told all the workers to dress this particular day in 'Dunder-Mifflin colors' for a surprise he was planning on giving to them. Nobody really knew what that meant, but several people, like Erin, had tried their best, and wore colors that blended in to the basic color scheme their small office exuded. Ryan, obviously, didn't bother.

"Okay, thank you. Call back soon!" Erin bubbled into the phone before hanging up. She glanced up and noticed Ryan looking at her. Erin smiled and rolled her eyes playfully at him, and Ryan merely gave her a crooked smile. Both chuckled and looked away, still smiling...

Marianne had stuck around for a few weeks after their break-up, but was very bitter during the last few days. Ryan and Erin were terrified to even be around her at the same time, and ended up avoiding each other a lot. But, finally it seemed, Marianne announced her resignation, which everyone, Ryan noticed, was extremely relieved about. Marianne's sour demeanor was starting to bring everyone down (at least more than usual) and they were all secretly glad to see her go.

But Michael still had to hire a new worker to replace her, which he was more than happy to do. He said he wanted to find a girl who was a mixture of their past two reps.

"A Mer-ianne." Michael had giggled , but then frowned when he realized that actually worked.

Anyway, the culmination of the two ex-workers ended up to be a lady named Janine. She was a woman in her mid-40's who would rather snap her gum annoyingly loud instead of talk to you and file her 2-inch-long fingernails than write up a spreadsheet. Everyone, smartly, decided to just leave her be.

But, honestly, Ryan loved these last few months he had spent with Erin as his best friend. It felt just like those comfortable days back when there was no tension between them at all and they could just be themselves around each other. They would laugh, hang out, eat lunch together, and even have their own inside jokes. They were rather affectionate-- he would give her hugs at random times of the day, Erin would peck him on the cheek once in awhile, and they would constantly walk around with Ryan's arm slung around her shoulders as if it were the most casual thing ever.

They were tight, and Ryan could feel his love for Erin growing every day...

People would talk about them, Ryan knew. He could see them saying things behind their hands as they passed by. Ryan tried not to care, but his mind couldn't help stray to it. They thought that they were together, and honestly, he wished he could fulfill that rumor. Every day, it was all he could do to not just grab Erin by the shoulders and kiss her senseless. He knew it was his idea for them to wait it out, and he knew that what he had in mind was a lot longer than two months, but he couldn't help it. He was in love with her, and he knew it. Keeping away from her would be like keeping sun away from the sky. Or Michael away from Holly.

It was nearly impossible.

Ryan sighed as he started typing something up on his computer. He decided he was going to deal with this situation just like how he dealt with Dunder-Mifflin-- one day at a time. There wasn't really any more for him to do, was there?

***

"Tah-Daaa!"

Michael threw his hands above his head as he presented to the entire office gathered in front of the building the gigantic party Phyllis and Bob Vance had set up. Everyone stared, open-mouthed, at the fantastic set-up. A massive moonbounce sat in a corner, and a dunk-tank sat in the opposite. Near the hedges was a small stage where Darryl's band were setting up, and in front of it was a dance floor. Festive strings of lights hung from the trees and bushes, looking airbrushed by the setting sun in the background. Booths of snacks and souvenirs littered the edges of parking lot, and tables scattered all around the center of the party made it look like an actual carnival had come into town and set up on their property.

"Welcome to the Official Dunder-Mifflin 50th Anniversary Celebration Party!" Michael introduced, taking an impressive bow. "Today, exactly fifty years ago, did two men: Robert Dunder and Robert Mifflin, decide to start a company together. A company that decided to sell paper..."

Mark suddenly piped up, "Actually, Michael, I believe that this company first sold metal brackets--"

"C'mon!" Michael cut him off, and turned around. "This party isn't just sitting here for it's health! Let's go!" He sprinted off toward the dance floor, and several others didn't hesitate to follow him.

"You heard him-- come on!" Erin turned to Ryan, giggling. She looked incredibly cute as she pulled him playfully toward one of the stands. "We gotta explore!"

Ryan just smirked as he let her drag him toward her destination. _One day_, he thought to himself. _This is just one day I have to get through_.

It was going to be a long day.

***

The party wore on and on. Erin and Ryan had fun as they wandered around everywhere. They bought snowcones (not without having a slush fight, and Erin being victorious). Ryan dunked both Creed and Michael in the dunk tank, but Erin just nailed Kevin, only because Ryan had helped her throw. Erin finally convinced Ryan to come with her on the moonbounce, and both had an amazing time, jumping around and feeling like kids again. Ryan, mid-bounce, had snatched Erin out of the air by her waist, and she shrieked with delight as both fell down on ballooned material, laughing.

Ryan, only regretfully, let go of her when they stood back up.

Night had soon fallen, and Darryl's band had begun to play more jazzy, romantic tunes. The strings of lights around them glowed brighter as the sky grew darker, and the air felt warm and sweet.

To top the whole night off, fireworks suddenly began to explode overhead.

Erin and Ryan stood side-by-side, staring up at the show going on around them. The lights shone in bright reds and blues, and everyone ooohed and aaahed at the spectacle. It really was amazing, to watch a beautiful light show after such a fun party. Ryan couldn't help but grin as his head tilted up toward the lights.

He felt a hand slip into his, and knew Erin wanted to take him somewhere. He let her pull him toward where she wanted to go, his eyes still focused upward.

She took him to the shadows of the Dunder-Mifflin building. She smiled at him, then looked up at the sky. Ryan looked up too, and noticed that the fireworks looked even more amazing from their secluded area. He grinned hugely as he watched the sky erupt in glowing colors.

He felt something close to him, and looked down to see Erin. She wasn't looking at the fireworks or the party around her-- she was looking right at him. Not smiling, just staring.

Ryan looked right back at her.

"Ryan, I've been thinking..." Erin started to whisper, but was cut off by Ryan's lips crashing into hers.

He couldn't help it-- it just sort of happened. He couldn't resist her anymore; she was just too beautiful. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands spreading over her back. She responded by kissing him happily back, throwing her arms around his neck. Both were smiling against each other, unashamedly making out in front of their office. Neither thought about anything except each other as Ryan picked Erin up and twirled her around once in a full circle. She giggled against him, and finally pulled her lips away from him when he set her back down on the ground.

She just smiled cutely up at him. "What took you so long?"

Ryan responded by kissing her once again. He knew he should have laughed or joked with her, but he just couldn't help it. He had gotten one taste of her and he couldn't give her up now.

She was his drug, and he needed her.

Little did they know that someone had spotted the two by the side of the building. Oscar saw them and whispered something to Kevin, who was standing next to him. He spotted the couple too and smirked in his own creepy, Kevin-like way. Several others had noticed them too, and no one was paying any more attention to the fireworks as they noticed the couple making out in the shadows of their office building.

"I knew it!" Michael suddenly shouted, causing everyone to turn, including Ryan and Erin.

The two noticed that everyone was watching, and suddenly Oscar began applauding. Everyone soon joined in, and people were quite literally cheering for them as the pair made their way out of the shadows, hand-in-hand, and smiled shyly at the crowd of people.

"We knew you kids had it in you." Creed congratulated, slapping Ryan on the shoulder, and Ryan turned to Erin. Erin just smiled hugely at him.

The small office park had never really looked so beautiful to Ryan before now.


	10. New Endings

**Wow, it feels like the end of this story is like the end to a long and eventful journey for me. When I published the first chapter, I honestly didn't think anyone was going to read it, and I wasn't planning on continuing it. But, for some reason, I decided to post a second chapter. Then a third. Then a fourth. And then it all just sort of fell together... **

**I have loved every minute of writing this story and, in a way, I am going to miss it a lot. My thanks to all of you reviewers who have loved this story as much as I did, including those people who added this story to their Favorites lists or Alerts. You guys are the reason I write:) **

**Okay, I'm done with my life story. Hope you enjoy the chapter...**

_**October 2012**_

Ryan Howard really loved the morning.

When he opened his bleary eyes in the early morning, the sunrise was the first thing he saw filter through his bedroom window. The light from the rising sun splashed gold and red onto his walls and ceiling, his comforter placed in the center of this brightly colored collage. Ryan blinked drowsily as he stirred himself awake, half-wishing he could fall into the abyss of sleep once again. But he was awake, and he knew there would be no going back now.

Someone slept soundly right beside him, their shoulders rising and falling gently while their reddish brown hair splayed lightly over the pillow like silk.

Ryan slowly propped himself up on his shoulders, bringing a hand up to his face to rub the sleep out of his eyes. He turned his head to look over at the figure sleeping beside him, and smiled slightly. He turned over on his side, his left arm still supporting his weight, and watched her rest.

Years ago, when Ryan had been with Kelly, he used to hate waking up in the morning. He would just lie down beside her, eyes closed and wishing that he didn't regret everything that happened between them. And yet rationalizing that Kelly was probably the best he could do, and leaving her would mean being alone for the rest of his life. And just when he was contemplating of taking a run for it, he would hear a sudden, shrill yawn in his right ear; the siren call of his waking girlfriend.

God, no wonder he was so messed up back then.

Ryan watched the woman beside him sleep for a minute longer before he yawned and stretched, sliding his legs out of the warm confines of the blanket and setting his feet on the cool hardwood floor beneath him. He squinted at the bright light that hit him in the face as he stood up and padded through the door and down the hallway, toward the kitchen.

He walked over to the coffee pot, and sighed wearily when he noticed that it was empty. He grudgingly trudged over to the cabinet that held the coffee beans and filters, and got to work, thanking God that it was a weekend and he actually had time to make a pot of coffee in the morning.

When it was done brewing, Ryan poured himself a mug and began his normal, weekend morning routine: go outside, sit on his hammock, and watch the sunrise while relaxing with a cup of coffee in his backyard.

On a regular workday morning, Ryan would either be going for a jog or taking a shower at this time. But on these special days he would wake up whenever he wanted (he usually woke up before her) and just sit and relax. When she finally did wake up, however, he usually would make them both a big breakfast that she would like and that would be the start of their day.

He slipped on his shoes and pulled the sweatshirt over his head as he made his way outside. The cool, fall air bit at his exposed skin as he sat on his hammock with the mug in his hand. Birds chirped overhead, and the sun was still shining in bright purples and oranges as if it was just waking up too.

Ryan turned his head slightly, and looked at the house. The navy blue shutters looked well-kept and prim as the rising sun hit it, casting long shadows in all of the most amazingly beautiful places on the light blue door frames. Ryan wished he had his camera with him; he could capture this scene forever with his lens...

Ryan sighed as he turned his away from their home and looked back up at the new morning sky. Even though this time was set aside for his mind to wander freely, he would always find himself thinking about the same thing: these last five months of his life with _her_.

They were most definitely the best of his life.

***

**One Month Ago**

_The sun was setting gracefully behind the trees as a young couple, hand-in-hand, ambled down Beauregard Street, smiling and looking like the happiest people on Earth. Some children were playing in a park in the distance, and their playful shouts reverberated throughout the peacefully silent neighborhood._

_The young couple slowed to a stop at the front of a small, blue house on the corner of Beauregard and Elm. The house had cute, navy blue shutters and a very well-kept lawn with a few trees scattered here and there._

_Erin turned to her boyfriend. "What are we stopping here for?"_

_Ryan just smiled at her, then looked over her head at the house. He nodded toward it. "That's my house."_

_Erin blinked, confused, as she glanced between Ryan and the house. "What? I thought you lived in an apartment..." _

"_I do." Ryan assured her, slipping his hand out of hers and placing it on her lower back. They both turned toward the small home. "But, as you know, my parents have recently moved to Michigan to retire. But what you didn't know is that they left their house in my possession."_

"_Really?"_

_Ryan smiled at her again. "Yep."_

_Erin tilted her head, confused. "Wait: I thought they left like six months ago. How come you haven't mentioned this before?"_

_Ryan looked down, ashamed. "Because... originally, I had turned down their offer."_

_Erin looked over at him, surprised. "What?"_

_Ryan nervously scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. Well, when they had left, and when they first offered to give me their house, I was sort of in a bad point in my life. I... I didn't know what I wanted, and... and I wasn't really looking to make a major change in... in things. And--"_

_Erin quieted his rambling by placing a finger on his lips. She smiled sympathetically, understanding that he didn't really want to talk about his time with Marianne. Ryan smiled slightly too, kissing her finger that brushed against his lips, and took it lightly in his own hand. They interlocked fingers, and held on to each other tight as Ryan leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers. Erin closed her eyes at his touch, and they stayed like that for several moments. _

"_So what do you say?" She felt him shift as he spoke._

_She opened her eyes. "About what?"_

_Ryan leaned back, and smiled at her fully in the face. "You really thought I brought you here just to _show_ you the house?" _

_Erin merely looked at him, and then at the house. Then it suddenly dawned on her of what he was asking._

"_You mean--?" Erin squeaked out, turning to him. But he had already taken the spare key out of his pocket and held it out for her to take. _

"_Erin-- will you move in with me?" He asked seriously._

"_Yes!!" Erin squealed, taking the key from him and jumping into his arms. Ryan laughed as they stood in the road, their arms wrapped around each other and swaying with positive joy. Erin laughed in his ear, and Ryan couldn't help but laugh happily along with her._

_She pressed her lips against his cheek before she turned around and skipped up the driveway to their new home._

_She stopped suddenly, and turned around to face Ryan, who was still standing in the road and watching her. "So... you re-accepted their offer just so you could ask me to move in with you?"_

_He shrugged, making his way up to her. "Well, my apartment is too small. And my brother and his wife wouldn't accept it..."_

_Erin nodded, looking thoughtful. "You do realize you basically just bought me a house, right?"_

_Ryan stopped in front of her, smiling. He then suddenly scooped her whole body up off of the ground, and she screamed and laughed in surprise at this gesture. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck for support as she stared at him with wide eyes. Ryan just smiled at her and shrugged._

"_I know." He cradled her in his arms like a child as he kissed her quickly on the forehead and walked them both up toward the front door. Erin's laughter and squeals at being carried around like a bride at her honeymoon mixed in with the children's laughter now filled the once-silent neighborhood with sounds of happiness._

_***_

Winter was definitely coming soon. Ryan shivered slightly as he brought his sweatshirt closer to his body. He held the coffee up to his mouth and blew on the hot liquid, feeling the steam from it hit him in the face. He wished he hadn't worn his basketball shorts out to the yard, but he wasn't about to get up and go inside, ruining this wonderful time he had with just his thoughts.

He felt his phone suddenly buzz from his pocket, and rolled his eyes as he reached for it. Who was texting him right now, interrupting him from his daydreams? He checked the ID, and and his annoyance faded into a grin. He flicked the phone open and read:

_Good morning Ryan! Dont pretend u didn't get this msg, I know ur up:) U and weekend mornings go together better than me and my hubby lol._

Ryan actually chuckled out loud at this message. Pam would always be texting him, once in awhile during his time alone, and he honestly didn't mind. He loved talking to Pam; she had basically become the sister he never had. Over years of working together, they had never really made any real connection, and Ryan never really thought of her as much more than a secretary, even after their Michael Scott Paper adventure. But, over the months, his sadness and heartbreak over Erin had become what connected the two ex-coworkers once again.

Ryan's smile faded, remembering that day where everything between them changed.

***

**One Year Ago**

_It was dark. Or maybe it wasn't-- he couldn't really be entirely sure about that. Although everything seemed to be obscured by shadows as Ryan dropped off box after box in random rooms of his new apartment. It didn't really seem to matter at the moment if it was day or night as he shuffled back and forth, bringing box after box from the moving truck downstairs up to room 4C._

_It probably could have waited a few hours, but at least it was something for him to do. _

_Finally, it seemed, the last box was carried from downstairs and set on his new kitchen floor. Ryan sighed as he stood up straight. He stretched his arms over his head, taking a break from the tiring work. He glanced out the window, and realized that the sun was just starting to set. He figured it must have been around seven at night._

_Ryan shuffled slowly over to one of the boxes against a nearby wall, and lowered himself down on it, taking a well-deserved break. He leaned his back against the wall hesitantly before lightly rolling his head back and closing his eyes. He hadn't really noticed how tired he was until the job was finished._

_Heartbreak really numbed all other pain._

_A window faced him as he sat, and Ryan watched the sky glow in shades of orange and yellow. Utica suddenly seemed like light-years away from Scranton; as if it were a planet all to itself. But that was what he had wanted, right? To get far away from that place and that office and... her. He wanted a new life, where he wasn't constantly smothered by Michael and choked with boredom. Not to mention dealing with the guilt of how he had treated everyone from Scranton after his time in New York. As if he was a piece of gold amongst a pile of disgusting garbage..._

_Ryan leaned forward, suddenly burying his face in his hands, hating everything about himself at the moment. Why did he always have to screw everything up? First business school, then his relationship with Kelly, then the executive position at Corporate, then his job at the bowling alley..._

_And now this. Ryan didn't think he could take it anymore. _

_Without thinking, it seemed, Ryan reached into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone. He needed comfort right now. He wasn't really sure who he had in mind to call, he just knew he wanted someone to talk to. His mother maybe? No, she was on vacation in Bermuda with his father-- she didn't need her son ruining her trip with his woes. He couldn't call his brother either because, well... he would just say 'I told you so', and that would definitely not be what he needed._

_Ryan scrolled down his list of contacts, name after name, and felt more lonely than ever. There was no one. He had no friends. He was just a lame jerk who ran away because he wasn't even worthy enough to be with the girl of his dreams..._

_He suddenly stopped scrolling when he hit the H's the third time. He stared at a particular name for a second, wondering. He remembered putting this in his contacts quite a long time ago, but he had completely forgotten it was even there. Would they even answer if he called? Did they even remember him? Ryan's thumb hovered over the call button for a moment before he pressed it, his nail digging in to the tough plastic._

_The phone rang twice on the other end, a sort of laughter resounding in his ear._

"_Halpert residence." A male voice said softly from the receiver, and Ryan suddenly felt nervous. What was he even doing? He contemplated hanging up without saying anything to Jim, but he felt his lips open and his throat begin to speak before he had the chance to stop it--_

"_Hey Jim." Ryan stuttered out. He hadn't realized before how choked up his voice had become due to lack of use over the last week or so._

_The other end was silent for a second. "Who is this?" Jim was sounding a little uneasy, and Ryan suddenly remembered that he hadn't spoken to either Pam or Jim for over a year. _

"_This is, um... this is Ryan-- Howard." he added, clearing his throat slightly. Again, the other end was silent for a second._

"_--From Scranton??" Jim sounded completely dumbfounded, and Ryan sighed silently to himself. He didn't bother correcting him._

"_Yeah... uh, is Pam around?" Ryan asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously, thinking that she would be more sympathetic toward him than Jim would be. _

_There was a scuffle on the other end; Ryan heard Pam's voice and Jim's mumble from the background, and he listened with rapt attention._

_And suddenly, without warning, the line went dead._

_Ryan's heart seemed to collapse in his chest as he listened to the disconnected tone sound in his ear. He gulped, and numbly brought the phone down to his lap, staring at it with wide eyes. He took a deep, shaky breath before he finally hit 'end call'. _

_He closed his eyes sharply, his lids burning from unshed tears. He knew he shouldn't have tried. It was stupid to even consider, and he knew it. What did Jim or Pam care that he was having problems right now? They had their own lives and their own family and their own worries to think about; he shouldn't have intruded._

_Humiliated and sick, Ryan snapped his phone shut, blinking his eyes open. He guessed he would just have to deal with his guilt by himself now, without the comfort from others._

_But, suddenly, his phone buzzed again._

_Ryan stared down at it, his eyes wider than before. A warm feeling, possibly hope, filled his heart as he stared at the caller ID. He gulped, and flipped the phone open again, bringing it up to his ear._

"_Hello?" He asked as clearly as he could muster._

"_Hello, Ryan?" A female voice spoke from the other end this time. "It's Pam."_

_Ryan brought a hand up to his forehead, and rubbed his brow wearily. "Hey Pam. Sorry about the call earlier, I didn't mean--" he faltered to a stop. What didn't he mean to do? _

_Luckily, Pam spoke up. "Oh, please don't worry about it." she said kindly. "Jim's just got some hard feelings toward the Dunder-Mifflin workers. None of them called us after we left, you see..." she trailed off, and Ryan understood. _

"_It's okay." Ryan mumbled. "It was probably kind of a shock for him to hear me call you guys after all this time..."_

_Pam sighed into the phone. "Yeah. But he's a good guy, though..." she said quietly, and then the line went silent. Ryan had the feeling that she had only called him back out of curiosity and not out of concern, but he didn't really care for her motives at the moment._

"_So..." Pam tried to keep the conversation moving. "... How's Scranton?" _

_She was trying to be friendly, but Ryan's stomach knotted up tightly when she asked that. What should he tell her? That he left? That his heart was completely broken and he had no one else to turn to? Lie, and say everything in Scranton was great?_

_Ryan bit his lip slightly, before opening his mouth to answer. "Actually-- I wouldn't know."_

_He could almost hear Pam's frown through the phone. "What? Why not?"_

_That's when Ryan sighed, looked down to his lap, and let down his guard. He told her everything that happened to him over the past year. About Erin and the proposal and his confession to her at Poor Richard's. And she listened; shocked, yet understanding and sympathetic. Ryan and her talked for hours, hardly even a pause in the conversation. They talked well into the night, and only had to stop when Pam had to go take care of a waking Lizzy. _

"_Ryan, I promise I'll call tomorrow morning." she sounded like a mother talking to a child who was staying away the night for the first time. "Please, don't do anything rash. I'll call as soon as I wake up..." _

_Ryan couldn't help but smirk. "Thanks mom."_

_Pam giggled. "Okay, seriously? I am establishing that I will call you then. I have to go now, okay?"_

"_Kay," Ryan was prepared to to hang up._

"_... And Ryan?" Pam continued._

_Ryan listened. "Yeah?"_

_She sounded serious. "Things'll get better from here. I can guarantee you: they will."_

_Ryan smiled. "I'll believe you on that one."_

_He could tell that Pam was grinning._

_***_

Ryan heard something behind him coming from the house, the back door opening and closing softly. He half-smiled to himself, knowing who it was. He didn't turn around, however, when the sound of quiet footsteps came closer and closer. It stopped right behind him, and Ryan smiled even bigger.

Nothing could have prepared him for what was coming next though-- there was a shriek, then something suddenly hopped onto his back, causing him to shout in surprise and stumble off the hammock, falling roughly onto the cold, wet grass beneath him. He threw his hands out to cushion his fall, but only just in time.

Whoever was on top of him was laughing, and Ryan groaned as he lifted his face away from the lawn, spitting out a few blades in the process.

"Well, on the upside, my hiccups are gone." He chuckled sarcastically as he turned his head to look up at his giggling girlfriend.

"How was that for a wake-up call?" Erin snickered, extracting herself from him and plopping down beside him in the grass. She crossed her legs, Indian-style, and grinned as she watched her boyfriend pull himself up back heavily into a sitting position.

"Hey, I was already awake. You're the one who'll sleep through a hurricane if given the opportunity." Ryan brushed the pieces of grass out of his dark hair as he looked over at his girlfriend. She was still wearing the tank top and pajama bottoms she wore to bed the night before, and she was still smiling at him.

God, even when she was beating him up he thought she was the cutest thing ever.

"I can wake up whenever I want to." Erin pretended to pout, sticking out her bottom lip mock-defiantly.

Ryan rolled his eyes good-naturedly, getting up into a sitting position. He then suddenly pounced at her, grabbing her by the waist and pinning her down to the ground, tickling her in the process. Erin shrieked even louder now, laughing while she fell down on her back, her eyes tearing up due to the combination of happiness and the sun hitting her in the face.

"Okay, okay! Uncle!" Erin laughed out, shielding her eyes, and Ryan grinned happily down at her. He shifted from above her and plunked himself down beside her. She turned on her side so she was facing him.

Ryan smiled lightly at her, taking her wrist and rubbing it slightly. "That's what you get for interrupting my quiet time."

She giggled, scooching closer to him. "So I'm not allowed to be a part of your weekend mornings?"

He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, grinning. "Nope."

"Sick of me, already?"

His hand slid from her ear to the back of her neck, bringing her head slowly closer to his to the point their lips were millimeters apart. He smiled even wider.

"Completely."

Erin smiled too, and he pressed her lips to hers, knowing that he could spend every waking minute with this woman and most likely never, ever get sick of her.

***

**December 2010**

_It was Christmas time. The office was having it's annual party, and it was crazy as usual. The music was blasting from Kevin's corner, and everyone was dancing happily and drunkenly along to totally non-Christmas related techno. Oscar was standing in a corner, talking to the warehouse guy he liked with a drink in his hand. They were looking at each other fondly, and everyone else was secretly hoping those two wouldn't start making out in front of them all._

_Everyone was having a good time, except one person in particular._

"_Hey." Ryan walked up to Erin, who was sitting behind her desk and not speaking to anyone. Although she had dressed up cutely as a little elf for the occasion, her eyes were looking gloomy and sad. Ryan had walked over to try to find out what was wrong._

"_Hey." she mumbled._

"_What's up?" he asked, setting his glass of punch on her desk._

_Erin shrugged. "Nothing."_

_Ryan just gave her a look. "C'mon Erin. Talk to me: what's wrong?" _

_She sighed, looking down. "It's... nothing. It's just--" she stuttered, and glanced up toward the dance floor. Ryan turned around to look at Andy having an intense dance-off with Creed, and he suddenly understood._

"_Ah..." Ryan turned back around to face Erin, nodding. "You guys had a fight?"_

_Erin squinted, thinking. "Um, I think so... sort of."_

_Ryan just looked at her weirdly, and Erin giggled, elaborating. "We didn't really, technically, fight. I just thought..." she trailed off again, and Ryan waited._

"_Yeah...?"_

"_I thought... he was going to, you know... propose_ _tonight." Erin whispered the last two words, then went red at this confession. Ryan's smile dropped._

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah." Erin said, quickly waving the words out of the air. "But you know what? Nevermind. It's not a big deal. I shouldn't even be worrying about this stuff yet--"_

"_Do you _want_ him to propose?" Ryan interrupted, and Erin went silent. She thought for a second._

"_Um..." Erin blinked, looking away. "I... I think so?" She sounded like she was asking a question. She looked up at him. _

_Ryan masked his hurt by looking thoughtful. "Well, for this type of thing, you just have to be patient." he smiled down at her, and Erin grinned back, her old normal self again. "I promise you-- he'll ask. It just may take some time."_

"_You think so?"_

_Ryan nodded. "Yeah."_

_Erin smiled again, and Ryan couldn't help but add. "And you know what? Let's make a pact: if he never does ask..." He shrugged. "--then I'll marry you."_

_Erin's eyes lit up when he said that, her mouth dropping open happily. She laughed. _

"_Seriously?"_

_Ryan nodded. "Yup. I promise that, if Andy never pops the question, then I'll marry you."_

_Erin laughed again, and Ryan held out his hand, _

"_Deal?"_

_Erin giggled again before biting her lip, holding out her hand, and clasping it with his._

"_Okay then... deal."_

_***_

Ryan and Erin held on to each other, lying horizontally on the dew-covered grass, before Ryan decided he was getting cold and wanted to go inside. He helped Erin up, not before kissing her passionately while she was still just sitting up. She laughed against him, and pushed him playfully away as she stood up completely. He soon followed suit, and immediately wrapped his arms around her waist. Erin smiled at him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and giving him a small Eskimo kiss.

"How 'bout we change things up a bit?" Erin whispered, looking at him with big, doe eyes. "I'll make breakfast for both of us while you go and get ready for the day?"

Ryan tilted his head, considering. "Hmm... I don't know."

Erin smiled and kissed him full on the lips. Ryan smiled against her, as he could never help but always do.

They broke apart, and Ryan smiled dreamily down at her. "Well... maybe just this once..."

Erin laughed as they made their way inside, hand-in-hand. They went in separate directions – her to the kitchen, and Ryan toward their bedroom. The sun was now fully up in the sky as he passed the windows reflecting bright sunshine into the hallway.

Ryan made it to the bedroom, and began preparing for his shower to start his day. He opened several drawers, pulling out jeans and a t-shirt and a newer, cleaner sweatshirt.

He opened his top drawer, where he held his socks, and saw something black among the mass of white. It was cushioned by several of his socks, toward the back, and he looked at it thoughtfully.

He reached in and pulled a small, velvet box out of the drawer.

He smiled to himself after looking at it for a few moments, then he put it back. Why shouldn't he smile? He was about to ask the most beautiful woman in the world to marry him, just as he had promised her all those years ago.

He didn't know when he would ask, but he knew it would be soon. And it was going to be perfect, just as she deserved.

_Maybe today, _Ryan thought to himself, chuckling.

Yes-- he could see it happening today.

Ryan smiled at the possibility.

**The End**

**So there it is! I apologize that this is the longest epilogue ever, but I couldn't resist:) So please review and tell me what you think!**


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